Book Review: The ADHD Vampire

The ADHD Vampire by Matthew Vaughn

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From the back cover:

A cruise ship for retired sex addicts, The U.S.S. Exciter, is the site of a party a lot of people on board will never forget (but some of them will, anyway). Lurking in the cargo hold is Horace Dracul, half-brother of the legendary Dracula, and he dreams of reaching the shores of a country where the blood flows like wine, and bright, shiny lights are seemingly infinite. However, another member of the Exciter’s well-aged population has some secrets of her own: Martha—retired cyborg and ex-spy.

In the grand tradition of slasher-horror literature in which a lot of people are murdered in gruesome ways, The U.S.S. Exciter will host an orgy of violence and sex toys, and an easily-distracted vampire named Horace might have himself a bloody-good time.

Now then:

If you are a bit tired of the typical vampire fare – sexy vamps, teenage angst vamps, zombie vamps, Will Smith, etc. – but love the genre, I humbly present this quick and funny read from Matthew Vaughn.

Although filled with the ludicrous story elements that make a bizarro book great: things like geriatric swingers, cyborg grannies, and the books’ titular monster (a vampire with honest-to-goodness ADHD), what impressed me the most about the book was that it was clear that the author had done his research.

If you know your Dracula, if you have read the source material that is so often ignored by those who pen blood-sucker stories, you will be most pleased by the fact that although the book is a lightning fast kill-fest where you meet a character just in time to watch them become lunch, it honors the core material and mythology. I found this to be a pleasant surprise. I wish more authors would take the time to go to the origins of a genre before spitting out some inbred trope nightmare.

As mentioned above, it’s a fast read. Vaughn doesn’t dwell in any scene for long, but for a story such as this, it’s obviously appropriate (yes, that’s an ADHD joke). The narrative moves and never takes a breath. Jokes come in and you’re barely done laughing until the next one hits you. There’s plenty of blood and gore and sexy as you buzzsaw through the story.

I had a great time with this book and I look forward to seeing what Mr. Vaughn does next.

FREE PAX TITANUS STUFF!!!

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FREE STUFF!!!

Post an honest review for Pax Titanus on Amazon or Goodreads this weekend and I’ll send you some Pax Titanus bookmarks, Leather to the Corinthians stickers, postcards and some mystery items!!!

Just a couple sentences will do. You don’t need to post a book report.

Comment with the link to your review and I’ll handle the rest. Here’s Pax on Amazon for your convenience.

http://amzn.com/1621051641

Oh…tell your friends!!! Free stuff for all!!!

I’m Speaking on a Panel – TONIGHT (3/19) 7pm EST!!!

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Hi All,

Sorry for the late notice!

I’m speaking on a panel at Full Sail University as a part of its Hall of Fame week. The panel is all about self-publishing: the ins and outs, the whys and wherefores, the do and the do nots.

The panel will be streaming live on YouTube and is instantly archived so if you can’t tune in tonight, I hope you will catch up with me soon after.

Beside kicking the science, I’ll be debuting a new sport coat, so please join tonight at 7pm EST right here:

 

Mid-March Madness: Interviews with Yours Truly

FaradayPress

For those of you who stop by my blog because you support my writing, books, and other writerly enterprises…today’s post should be a double-down of tastiness.

I recently had the chance to be the subject of two in-depth interviews and they both published within 24 hours of each other. Sweet serendipity, that’s a lot of me.

Stop by the Surreal Sermons podcast for roughly an hour of me babbling away as noteworthy podcaster Jeremy Maddux hits me with some tough questions. Click Here for Awesome.

If you are more in the mood to read instead of listen, check out this long-ish interview with me over at Paper Tape Magazine. I was asked some incredibly thoughtful questions. Click Here for Some Fun.

So yeah…I have been doing my fair share of lip-flapping. You gotta when you have books to sell. Check out these interviews and let me know how I did in the comments below.

Rock and Roll.

Lucas out.

Book Review: You Might Just Make It Out Of This Alive

You Might Just Make It Out Of This Alive by Garrett Cook

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From the Back Cover:

From the Wonderland Award winning author of Time Pimp and Jimmy Plush, Teddy Bear Detective comes a new collection of weird, horrifying, and heartfelt stories.

Featuring:

Re-Mancipator – When zombie Abraham Lincolns start running amuck, John Wilkes Booth, Marilyn Monroe, and other greats from history must save the day!

Dieselpig – The beloved Smiley the Pig is here to save us from the Catholic Church. And he’s brought a shit ton of guns!

Brian’s Girl – A gorgeous woman arrives one day at a man’s door for anonymous sex. It’s not a dream come true- it’s the beginning of a cult that will change the world.

Plus fifteen more strange and beautiful tales.

Now then…

I finished this book about a week ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. Or it can’t stop thinking about me. I haven’t figured that part out yet.

During a late-night reading session, I experienced a poor man’s Cronenberg body-book symbiosis. This very book pulled itself out of my grip, slowly crawled across my chest and began to push itself inward into my stomach cavity in a brutal act of reverse childbirth or some forcible symbiosis.

It became a part of me. It’s impossible for a book such as this not to. It’s horrific and beautiful, poetic and dangerous, and sexually intense in the way great art always is.

This diverse collection of short stories from Cook is not a light read. It’s so apparent as you work your way through the book (and yes, it’s work – you need to strap that thinking cap on tight, Sally) that he’s a heavyweight with the written word. Each story inspires deep reflection, each page is a subliminal message and every sentence hints at ancient code. This book begs you to unpack it and solve its mysteries.

There is so much more than the story between the covers. There is so much more than what is on the page. Garrett Cook has written with such flourish, passion, and skill that you will suspect that what you are reading and what it actually means are two drastically different things…and by god, one day you will figure it out. Call me when you do. Let’s compare notes.

The book will twist your stomach, your mind and your heart. This might not be a choice for reading on a summer holiday, but if you are looking for something to use for your Master’s Thesis, the dense lyrical colors of Cook’s latest may just be the paint for your palette.

Highly recommended.

Book Review: Space Walrus

Space Walrus by Kevin L. Donihe

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From the back cover:

Space: the final frontier… these are the voyages of… a walrus?

Meet Walter. He is the first walrus in a revolutionary space program. Someday, his blubbery form will float past asteroids, stars, and planets as he journeys through the dark beyond to become a Master of Space. But for now, Walter’s dream is to win the heart of his lifelong love, Dr. Stephanie, who happens to be the scientist assigned to conduct experiments on him. The problem is Dr. Stephanie does not love Walter. She views him as a test subject and nothing more. To make matters worse, Dr. Stephanie appears to be in love with the abusive head scientist, Dr. Ron.

From Wonderland Book Award winner Kevin L. Donihe comes a tragic comedy of unrequited love and inspired determination.

Now then…

Walter is a TALKING WALRUS and he’s going to make you cry.

You say, “No way dude, last time I cried was when MY FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM/CELEBRITY/FAMILY MEMBER did something remarkable. I don’t cry, man.”

I hand you Space Walrus and you go off and read it. You come back weeping.

“GODDAMN that Kevin L. Donihe. He tore my heart out and threw it into the middle of the street,” you pine.

I nod and offer a platonic, non-threatening half-hug that shows you that I care but that I am not some kind of sleazebag looking for a quick grope.

You ask, “Does he really make everyone call him by his full name? The ‘L’ and all that? Seems awfully pretentious for a guy who wrote a book about a walrus on a space station who suffers from unrequited love and daydreams about flying through the universe.”

I nod again and reassure you that he doesn’t make anyone use his middle initial, but if he did, I’m sure it’s only because it’s L for LOVE.

After some sniffles, you start thinking of all the people you could recommend this book to…because it is that good.

Kevin L. Donihe’s Space Walrus is a book that zigs when you expect it to zag; it’s got more heart on every page that some books have between covers.

Highly recommended.

A Pax Titanus Fanfiction

Tom Lucas:

So….here’s a lovely piece of Pax Titanus fanfiction.
Pax Titanus fanfiction.
Fanfiction.
Holy shit, I think I just leveled up as an author.
Pretty cheeky story. I loved it.

Originally posted on Katherine J. Parker:

Touching Tiffany 2

Hot off the presses, Fresh from the fangirl farm, I give you Touching Tiffany: A Pax Titanus Fanfiction.

I know I have been really hyping Pax Titanus by Tom Lucas, and I’ll openly admit to being a super fangirl of this far-too under the radar piece- but there’s something to say when I go to the time to not only write a piece of fanfiction (Which, mind you, I haven’t done since my Harry Potter days- and n I’m not disclosing how long ago that was), but actually subject myself, and all of you, to a cover for the story.

I had a lot f fun writing this piece and delving into humor rather than my niche of drama.  Tm was a great help in a few places, though the questions I asked didn’t all make it into the final release of the story.  I really look forward to…

View original 1,086 more words

Creative Writing – Poetry – Short Pieces – News – By Tom Lucas

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