Pax Titanus Book Signing: A Quick Recap

Table is set. Ready to go.
Table is set. Ready to go.

So last Sunday I joined over 40 authors at the Locally Grown Words Book Fair, an annual event organized by the infinitely cool, indie bookstore, Bookmark It.

This store is fighting the good fight. All indie authors, all local. Something you don’t see much these days. They are always hosting events and they have been super supportive of yours truly.

An for an author with a small but loyal following, setting up my first local book signing for PAX TITANUS under the emotional safety net of a larger event minimized the nagging fear that I think anyone who had a birthday party when he was 7 and none of the kids showed up because his birthday is during a school break so there was no way to remind anyone about the party because it was 1977 so there’s no texting or instant messaging and you’d have to call everyone to just be sure and nobody did that back then you just showed up if you said you were going to or you called with your apologies and ever since he always worries that if he throws a party that no one will show up because no one actually likes him it’s all just a big put-on.

Whoa.

What just happened?

Anyway. It was a stellar day. Solid Florida December weather. Cool, sunny, and dry. Many old friends, several new friends, and other familiar faces came by to pick up a copy of my crazy little book. I also gave out a bunch of kickass Pax Titanus bookmarks, explained bizarro fiction those new to the genre and I may have set up a reading event or two.

And, if you think I should stop by your town, spit some words, and shuck some books — just let me know. I’m down.

Pouting because the day was over. I AM NOT DUCKFACING SO DON'T EVEN.
Pouting because the day was over. I AM NOT DUCKFACING SO DON’T EVEN.

Review: Pax Titanus by Tom Lucas

Tom Lucas:

A nice, succinct review from Indie Promos!

Originally posted on Indie Promo:

51bAxsURLfL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-v3-big,TopRight,0,-55_SX278_SY278_PIkin4,BottomRight,1,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_FORCED TO FIGHT!

Intergalactic kidnappers have taken the son of a simple construction worker, demanding that he enter the greatest fighting tournament in the universe, the SkullCrushFest, and murder every one of his opponents.

They picked the wrong guy to mess with.

Titanus might not be a natural fighter, but he’s got the greatest gladiator coach in the games and a not-so-secret weapon–his alien ability to increase any body part in size or length.

Also, it doesn’t hurt that he’s ten feet tall, has four arms, and two massive war hammers.

Are you ready to crush some skulls? Are you ready to bash and crash? Well then…

It’s time to GET BIG!

I was fortunate enough to receive an early arc copy of this book for review, and I have to say I was itching to get into it the moment I saw a preview of the book cover art. …

View original 170 more words

My Story Can Finally Be Told

One of my favorite things about writing, blogging, and putting it out there is what comes back to you. Sometimes you have to wait for a while, but it can be pure amazeballs when it arrives.

Case in point: The passage you will find below. In the week of my new book’s launch, I put out some all-calls to Facebook land — the usually shameless self-promotion that the indie author/artist/musician must do to survive in a world drowning in content and voices.

A former military badass friend of mine (and former student as well) took the time to reveal what he had learned about me from his time as an agent of a shadow organization. I am convinced he knows real-life ninjas and a few mind-blowing secrets that will most certainly die with him. So yeah, he’s kinda scary. Don’t mess with him.

I present his full post, which for the first time anywhere, tells the true story of how I entered the world and I how I will conquer it. Also, it shows me that this kid has some writing chops. I fully plan to drag him into the Bizarro world. I hope he’s ready.

From the mobile phone of Nick E. –

Tom Lucas is more than just a man. He is a demi-god. There are tales about Tom Lucas… Legends. Myths. Wikipedia pages. Here is just some of what I’ve gathered:

In December, many years ago, Tom Lucas shot right out of the womb with the furious speed of a 12-gauge shotgun, blasting into the chest of the doctor, who died on impact. Breast milk was unable to nourish this monster of a baby, who had the body of a midget on horse steroids, with enormous muscles covering his entire physique, including a twelve pack for an abdomen, and bowling balls for biceps. No, instead of milk, this hell spawn of a child required bottles of scotch, cartons of Marlboro Reds, and pounds of bacon to remain well nourished. He would only breastfeed for fun, on other children’s mothers. Tom Lucas lost his virginity before his father. To this day, scientists are still trying to understand this phenomenon. Currently, the most widely accepted theory within the scientific community involves time travel, however the mystery remains unsolved.

In 2001, Tom Lucas, or Disco-TomFoolery, as his techno-biker gang knew him as, pulled off the largest heist in United States history when he stole the entire Detroit Lions football stadium, the Silverdome, and hid it in his garage for a year, forcing the Lions to move to Ford Field to play their games. After a year of partying and cocaine-fueled orgies, Disco-Tom grew tired of the Silverdome, and returned it to its original location. While returning it though, the Detroit Police Department busted him, and he was thrown in jail for 5 years.

During his five-year sentence in the Detroit maximum-security prison known as “Oprah’s Wormhole”, Disco-Tom taught himself how to read and write, with his eyes closed. Using his minds eye, he began to master the art of the written word, and begun crafting novels by using telekinesis to move the pen across the paper. His penmanship was flawless, like a teenage girl on Adderall, and his words and the stories he told were so epic that Shakespeare farted in his grave. Witnesses claim that the fart smelled of roses and romance.

In 2005, Tom was released from “Oprah’s Wormhole” due to good behavior, although historians argue that Lucas perhaps used a Jedi Mind trick to bend the will of the Parole Board.

Tom Lucas became a teacher, and then began publishing novels, the very same novels that he came up with in prison. Leather to the Corinthians was so critically acclaimed that it won an Oscar award, Grammy award, Emmy award, Golden Globe award, Tony award, Academy award, MTV Music award, Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award, The Medal Of Honor, and the Nobel Peace Price, and Pulitzer Prize for the category of “Best Fucking Thing Ever, Holy Shit, Buy This Now” category.

So there you have it folks. Tom Lucas. The man, the myth, the legend, the cliché, the overused phrase. Many deny these legends and myths as lies, fabrications, or something I just came up with right now out of boredom. But others know the truth. Do you believe?

Like = You Believe!
Share = You KNOW!
Comment = You commented!

My dad says if we get enough likes, he’ll buy me Jupiter for my birthday, so please share and like, and Bill Gates will give you $1000, and I just won the lottery so If I reach 50 comments, then all 50 commenters will get $10,000!!! Guys, you can’t make this sort of stuff up, this is the truth. Read the Facebook terms of use. The third Facebook Commandment states “thou shalt not troll.”

Wow, I can’t believe I wrote all this crap. I can’t believe YOU read all this crap. uhm yeah, so that’s the end of my post. Special thanks to Morgan Freeman for narrating everything, and Depeche Mode for the original soundtrack.

That’s it folks. I’m done. Can you believe I did this all on my phone? I am NOT going back to proofread, so sorry for errors.

GO BUY HIS BOOK!

Damn. This was just too good not to share. Right?

Book Review: Party Wolves in My Skull

PWIMS

From the back cover:

Norman Spooter awakens one morning to find that his eyeballs have fallen in love with each other. They proceed to tear themselves out of his head, steal his car keys, and take off for parts unknown. So he does what any of us would probably do in that situation… he goes back to bed, hoping it’ll all resolve itself. Unfortunately, in the middle of the night, a pack of WOLVES moves in. The worst thing is, they’re party wolves…

BUT they gave him a security deposit, so he decides he’s going out to get his eyeballs back.
He joins forces on his epic quest with a woman named Zoe, who has a mysterious secret almost as crazy as Norman’s Party Wolves. Besides, she needs him too. She’s on the run from her psychopathic ex-boyfriend, who happens to be a dangerous sociopath, a classic car enthusiast and, worst of all, a fully-grown walrus…

Now then…

Some books you read to learn more about yourself. Some are read in an effort to examine the human condition. Some books will tear the heart right outta your chest, others might fire up your long dead spiritual pilot light.

I read for all kinds of reasons, as I am sure you do as well.

Well, this little book here – this one you read for funsies.

Party Wolves in my Skull is a pure joy. It’s an overflowing bowl of your favorite sugary cereal. It’s a Saturday morning spent watching hours of Scooby Doo and playing with your toys. It’s like staying up too late, playing pranks on your friends, or making fart noises to entertain yourself and your pack.

Author Michael Allen Rose has taken the familiar trope of the road journey, introduced it to a classic Tex Avery cartoon, got them drunk and convinced them both to join him in a three way. The plot is pretty clear in the back cover, but just to be sure you know what you’re getting into:

Plan on hanging out with a pack of party wolves. These bow-wows know how to get down while watching your back. Some of them might be stoned off their furry butts, but they are as loyal as you would even need a friend to be. Plus, they ooze with enthusiasm — just a grab-life-by-the-leg-and-hump-it attitude.

You’ll also meet a generally nice guy with some self-esteem issues. Poor dude – his eyeballs done fell in love and jumped ship. Blinded by love, yep, that’s the thing. Problem is that he had nothing to do with it. Obviously, he’d like his eyeballs back. Who wouldn’t?

And…there’s a stilted woman and a jilted walrus.

How? Why? What?

Who cares?

This is a book a bouncy, jalopy ride through a absurdist yet familiar landscape. It’s got a big heart, memorable characters, and silly jokes throughout. Take a break and hang out with the party wolves for a while.

STOP BEING SO SERIOUS ALL THE DAMN TIME!

I give it FIVE PAWS UP.

Oh, and there’s even a music video!

 

Tom Lucas does LitReactor

logo

Hi all,

LitReactor. Do you know this site? I’ve been reading craft articles on this site for a few years now. One of my favorite authors, Chuck Palahniuk has written many of them.

Now there’s another great article, just posted there today.

Why so great? Why, it’s about me, Pax Titanus, and how the hell it happened.

I love this site. Can’t believe it. I am simply beyond.

If you have a chance, check it out!

 

Pax Titanus Book Signing

Pax Fair Event Banner Final

If you are in the Orlando area on Sunday the 14th (Noon – 4pm), come by and get your copy of Pax Titanus signed by yours truly.

I’ll have a table at the Locally Grown Words Book Fair, an annual event held by the fantastic indie bookstore, Bookmark It. Besides me and Titanus, there will be over 40 local authors selling and signing books.

Hope to see you there!

Click here for the the Facebook event.

 

 

Pax Titanus Now Available FOR KINDLE

Hey Skull Crushers!

I’m pleased to announce that my new book, Pax Titanus is also now available in Kindle format.

Also, Pax Titanus is a part of the Kindle Matchbook program (US), so If you buy a new print edition of the book (or purchased one in the past), you get the Kindle Edition for FREE.

If you like rough and raunchy space opera, come on over to Amazon and saddle up.

Amazon Kindle Store US

Amazon Kindle UK

pax cover

 

Creative Writing – Poetry – Short Pieces – News – By Tom Lucas

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