Holiday Gift Guide 2016 – Six hot gift ideas for you and yours!

Happy [INSERT HOLIDAY NAME HERE]!

Looking for new ways to blow that hard-earned cheddar on loved one that may or may not actually love you back?

Fight that holiday dread by getting lost in commerce. And boy oh boy, do I have some ideas for you – there is something for everyone on your list here.

Enjoy!

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Processed foods – In today’s food-shaming environment, it’s hard for most people to indulge in the foods they truly desire. Instead, to avoid social exile they gobble down gluten-free this-es and organically grown thats. But, if you give them a box of Twinkies, Little Debbies, or a block of Velveeta – well then, they have to eat it! No guilt or shame in that, right?

Learn more about Processed Food gifts here.

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Bladed and Blunt Weapons – I know many of my readers are afraid of what is to come. All bets are certainly off, and thanks to all of the science-fiction I’ve read over the years, I know to start looking for the exit. Don’t eat with your back to the room either.

The great thing about swords, maces, and hammers is that you never have to reload them. If you get a sword, name it “Tiffany.” Just trust me.

Learn more about Bladed and Blunt Weapons here.

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Cute Dolls – There is nothing like cuddling up with your favorite little pal. In time, you might develop a true friendship and have long conversations about topics that interest you.

Learn more about Cute Dolls here.

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Puppets – Like dolls, but so much more interactive! You’ll swear they have a personality all their own. If you hear them breathing, it might be time to move. Leave them in the attic for the suckers who show up next.

Learn more about Puppets here.

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Cozy Bathrobes and Onesies: Who doesn’t like wrapping up in a cozy bathrobe, sip spiked coffee, and exchange gifts? Imagine the look in their eyes when they get to throw out their thread-bare, stanky old bathrobe for something like this?

Or this?

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Learn more about Cozy Bathrobes and Onesies here.

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Video Games – They can transport us to another reality, providing a well-deserved break from the daily grind. And hey, they might just learn a thing or two. What a great gift!

Learn more about Video Games here.

Well, that’s that. I know that I have to keep things brief, what with you all being so busy all the damn time.

However, feel free to add your suggestions below.

Later, skaters.

The Junk Merchants: The new MUST-HAVE William S. Burroughs tribute anthology

!!!HOT AND FRESH!!!
 
I’m fanboy-level stupid excited to be in this new William S. Burroughs tribute anthology!!! Look at all these exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!
 
My contribution is something weird (of course) that I had an impossible time trying to place. Now it has a proper home.
 
Hope you have a chance to check it out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clicky, Clicky:
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Mondo Bizarro: the new MUST-HAVE Bizarro Fiction collection

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Do you like Bigfoot?

How about The Last Starfighter?

Do you wish Bigfoot was in The Last Starfighter?

WISH GRANTED!

Read my story “Space Pig Killer” along with a gaggle of amazing other writers and stories in this new Bizarro collection!

I’m super stoked to be a part of this. I hope you dig it.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/153970453X/ref=pd_rhf_se_p_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=TTA7Z46X4RMZ5S8W8EB2

A Dramatic Reading of H.P. Lovecraft’s “From Beyond”

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The Resonator by Steve Maschuck

Here’s some Halloween fun for your earholes!

Recently I performed a reading of H.P. Lovecraft’s “From Beyond” on The Drunken Odyssey podcast. Three other fine readers and stories by old H.P. are featured as well.

I am the final reader, but I encourage you to check out the other stories first.

https://thedrunkenodyssey.com/2016/10/15/episode-228-readings-from-hp-lovecraft/

H.P. Lovecraft Roundtable

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Recently I returned to one of the finest literary podcasts around, The Drunken Odyssey with John King.

We talked Cthulhu mythos, Lovecraft’s work overall, as well as the tentacled monster in the middle of the room — the elements of racism and xenophobia present in his original works.

How to navigate the art and the artist? Can we? Should we?

What can be learned from all of this and how best to apply it moving forward?

Did I say anything that makes me sound smart?

Have a listen and decide for yourself!

Episode 227 of The Drunken Odyssey, your favorite podcast about creative writing and literature is available on iTunes, or right click here to download.

You Can’t Tuna Fish

 

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When he was young, Ed was beaten by bullies because he couldn’t get into his locker fast enough. Goddamn combination lock.

After graduation, he enrolled in a key-making school where he learned to make a wide variety of keys – for the home, for lock boxes and safes, and even for skeletons.

He had a child. She would never suffer as he had. She would be safely surrounded by keys.

He spent the next twenty years working 16 hour days, 7 days a week. Eventually he had enough money.

He bought her a piano.

She never learned to play.

Photo Credit: Paul V8 via Compfight cc

Pax Titanus only 5 bucks on Amazon. 50% off!

Word on the street is that Amazon is trying to make room and they are marking down a number of books!

My most recent, Pax Titanus, is currently half off…at $5, it’s cheaper than a fancy coffee at Starbucks.

Great time to pick it up. Buy a copy for a friend. Or enemy.
 

Creative Writing – Poetry – Short Pieces – News – By Tom Lucas

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