The Continuing Adventures of Jacob P. Smorely: Part 1 of 3

Ok folks, things are really rolling now…time for a little storytelling. One of my crucial characters is Scratch Microphone, the hunky leader of The Dodge Tribe. I think it’s time to meet him, don’t you? Here’s Part 1…let me know what you think, eh?

Forever cutting a dashing figure, Jacob P. Smorely, Adventurer and Anthropologist, sat in the back room of the King’s summer palace. Jacob felt smugly handsome, with his crisp white shirt and razor-creased chinos. A close friend, Jacob was a recurring guest of the King’s and always welcome.
Especially in the back room.

Jacob had helped himself to the King’s vast collection of action figures and playsets. In this particular session, he had selected the Jacob P. Smorely Adventure Series, featuring himself. Jacob admired the accuracy of the figure’s design.

“Real coward-like underpant dumping action,” he whispered with astonishment.

Happy with his initial selection, Jacob pulled himself over to the Uncle Loopey’s Playchest and began to select some other figures to Adventure with. Jacob almost grabbed the Smellogg’s Cereal Cannibal Crew but immediately thought the better.

“I barely made it through that ordeal the first time. FOR REAL,” he muttered. “I’d be better off with something less dangerous, more of an anthropological exploration, like learning about some primitive backwards culture that could use redemption by the Great White Jake.”

Giggling, Jacob selected the whole mess of Dodge Tribe figures and the Dodge Tribe AutoWorld Set. Soon the whole village was set up: a full circle of full-size vans, Winnebago off to the right, and lifelike garbage and plant life strewn about the encampment. Jacob looked upon the great array of fun and excitement and promptly frowned. Something was missing.

Jacob scratched his head and thought for a moment. Soon he had it. Of course, no Dodge Tribe set could be complete without the Scratch Microphone, Leader of the Dodge Tribe figure. After scrounging around a bit, Jacob found him in the backseat of the “Leader’s Car” (a fine dark green ’68 Dart Swinger with yellow racing stripes) with one of the villager girl figures. Jacob put on their stonewashed loincloths and got down to business, placing his figure next to the hedge of trees outside the village…SQUIGGLY LINES DENOTING A FLASHBACK SEQUENCE…

Jacob was a topnotch adventurer/explorer, travelogue writer, and most importantly, nondenominational. Soaking off an enormous trust fund, Jacob used his cultured status and big money to idle away in foreign lands drinking imported American beer and looking for a good hamburger. A seasoned diplomat, Jacob had sat in the highest courts of the most powerful leaders of the world and most times, had their wives/significant others/discreet friends under their very noses. Then he would come home, write a book about his journeys, and hit the talk show circuit.

It was memories such as these that he thought about as he sat in the NoKare Plastic Brush just outside the grounds of the 7-11 Motor Village waiting for his contact. Jacob looked at his compass/watch/canteen three-in-one camping thingy. Whoever the guy was,he was late. To refresh his memory, Jacob looked at the tattered press release he had received six months ago.

Press Release ***************** Contact: Scratch
The Dodge Tribe is a free illiterate nomadic consumer party that is coming to a hamlet near you! Known for their wacky hijinks and near-naked joke-filled, one-with-nature reputation, the Dodge Tribe is not to be missed! Always fresh and original, the Dodge Tribe seeks only to buy large amounts of “units” and move “product!” Be a part of the excitement, and reserve your seats ahead of time by calling our 1-800-NUM-BERR now!
Just ask for Scratch!

“Aha, that’s it! Scratch is his name!” Jacob blurted. Suddenly, the brush rustled…

And…that’s it for today. Tune in tomorrow as the world meets Scratch Microphone for the very first time…I know I said it would be today, but what’s the old bait-and-switch between friends?

On to Part 2!

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