The Continuing Adventures of Jacob P. Smorely: Part 2 of 3

And now, part 2 of our introduction to Scratch Microphone and the Dodge Tribe!

Suddenly, the brush rustled…

A tanned, muscle-bound stud with long braided hair and a designer loincloth pushed through.

“Hey, babe, that’s me,” said Scratch. He grabbed Jacob’s hand and shook it vigorously. “Damn glad to meet ya!”

Jacob managed a smile. Scratch returned with a mouthful of teeth. He grabbed the explorer by the arm and pulled him through the bushes and into the Tribe’s clearing. The majesty of the simple life of the nomad overwhelmed Jacob’s cultured noggin. Scratch noticed his astonishment and moved quickly to reassure him.

“Hey big guy, don’t worry. It’s gonna be a ball of fun. First, we’ll have a meet and greet over in the Elders’ Winnebago. Then you’ll get a low-fat shake to refresh yourself. After that, you’ll get an overview and guided tour of the campgrounds, followed by another low-fat shake. Then we’ll sit down and do the interview. We’ll wrap the official itinerary with a sensible dinner. Then it’s free time, when we sit down around the fire and sing jingles and shit like that. It’s light’s out promptly at one o’clock. Tomorrow you’ll get a continental breakfast and a chance to buy things in our gift shop.”

Realizing that he may have said too much too fast, Scrach watched Jacob’s blank face for the telltale signs.

“Such a simple life. What a treat it will be to get away from busy civilization and retreat back to simpler times. I relish my visit. Let it begin,” Jacob boomed.

And so the whirlwind day of big time Public Relations began. And when the day concluded, Jacob found himself with the rest of the tribe, one with the tribe, sitting around the fire, passing the crack pipe and reflecting on the nature of life and things.

Scratch stood up under the clear night sky, and the tribe’s mutterings and utterings silenced.

“Tonight is one of those special nights, one of those nights when we have the privilege of having such an honored guest on the program. After having spent a killer day with a great guy, I would just like to introduce him. Everyone, put your hands together for one helluva guy, JACOB P. SMORELY!” proclaimed Scratch.

Jacob stood up and said, “Thank you, thank you, thank you. Today has been just fan-tas-tic. I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve gotten to love you,’ and I must say that I am impressed by your streamlined nature-boy lifestyle and your great sense of humor. I would also like to say that it’s rare that I really like somebody, and this is one of those times. I’m pleased as punch that I came out and I assure you that this is the beginning of a lasting partnership that will yield substantial dividends for all.”

The tribe clapped with enthusiasm. On that note, the tribe DJ threw on some tunes and the tribe began to get down. Jacob got down with them. And so the throng of people partied until the early hours of morning, when they finally dropped from weariness. Jacob crawled into a small compact car, leaned the seat back and closed his eyes…

Part 3 tomorrow!


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