At the end of last week, I put out a small excerpt from the actual novel. Jacob P. Smorely, a minor character at best, provided a first glance at Scratch Microphone and The Dodge Tribe. In the end, there was some great feedback…thanks to all who stopped by to click “like”, leave feedback, or send me a message. As I have mentioned before, my novel features a commentator of sorts (the sleazy SNAKE OIL SALESMAN), who lays out thematic monologues between chapters. Here’s another one for you.
And now it’s time for the most glorious event in the life of any hero. It’s the time when you approach your quest hub and start grinding for experience. I have a quest for you, and I know you can do it.
Life is a grind, so I don’t want to just add one more to your grueling, pathetic life. But I will.
Complete my quest, and you will not only earn valuable loot, but you will be one more step to that constant goal, the goal to level up.
Who doesn’t want to level up? Who doesn’t want to chase the dragon?
Of course, we all do. My quest for you will send you to the far corners of the game map in the hopes that you will collect all the necessary components to build the great weapon, the weapon you will use to destroy the big boss.
Now, there is much you must master. There are the mechanics, you see, the mechanics of the fight that are unique but yet somehow familiar. There is really only so many ways to skin a cat, although I personally have never done so. However, the mechanics remain to be mastered, and the mechanics are a bitch.
Perhaps the worst part of your quest will be the necessary evil of working with others to achieve you goal. There is only one true rule for working with people – you must make the realization that people will disappoint you, and they will do so on a regular basis.
I take one look at you and I know that you are a solo player. You are already formulating strategies that will minimize your contact with others. You have been so damaged by previous collaborations that the mere idea of having to form a party for your quest ahead forcibly empties your bowels. I get that, but I don’t have an alternative for you.
People do suck, it’s true.
You have gotten so far in the game without them. It’s been a pleasure to grind for gold, get your XP, and solo quests. It’s your favorite part of the game, and I am taking it away from you.
Would it reassure you to know that this is a personal growth possibility? Would it help you to know that there is loot at the end of this quest that dwarfs all the loot you have managed to accumulate so far? What might I do or say that will entice you to accept my quest and seek the valor you crave so dearly?
Maybe if I gave you a public test realm walkthough of said quest? Would that get your desire to clear mounds of trash to rise?
I can give you a bit of a preview, but mind you, there are patches and hotfixes ahead. Your results may vary. Make your savings throw versus massive disappointment now. Scratch your balls and pray you roll a 20.
What if I told you that you would have the opportunity to eat mushrooms, grow large (or potentially small), get a second life, and valuable guild rep? What if I told you that the boss throws huge flaming barrels of fiery death? What if I told you that you could fill your belly with dots and run screaming from ghosts?
Starting to sound a bit more interesting? There are many phases to this quest; there will be much for you to study. There will be scrolls and lore, puzzles and traps. There will be many non-player characters to interact with. There will be cards to collect, and small creatures to match against your foes. It is key to know the abilities of these small creatures, for they will help you become a master.
So what say you? Will you help me with this quest? I am far too busy to undertake it myself?
What say you?
You say yes! This is good, I know that you will not regret the time invested, the ROI is quite high. There is much for you to do.
Update your addons, watch your videos, create a party, and go forth. You will have many obstacles to overcome, but with a solid vent connection and an attractive avatar, you are bound for glory.
Go forth and conquer, the entire kingdom is relying on you. Even if most of them do suck.