Please feel free to use this for any purpose involving an EX-whatever. Happy Friday!
If I were to write to you…
Wait, does anyone still do that?
If I were to contact you…
That’s better, it pretty much covers everything.
If I were to contact you,
What would I say?
How are you?
What’s the haps?
What a laugh. A hoot, really.
Have you wondered how I am doing?
Do you compare your new obsession to me?
Heh. You have the attention span of a hamster on meth.
I’m shaking my head a bit now.
I’m morbidly curious to see
What the opening sequence of your TV show life looks like.
How is that art project?
How is your writing?
To think I wrote so seriously about you.
Have to stop writing for a sec, my side is cramping.
What pink animal are you chasing these days?
Perhaps a beast of another color? Purple?
What were you thinking?
What are you thinking?
What a dream it was.
Why did you get to wake up first?
You don’t deserve that kind of luck.
I’ll tell you what kind of luck you deserve.
Horror movie, car broke down in the desert luck.
Hang on, just need to take a sip of this. BRB.
Did you ever figure me out?
You are nothing I thought you were.
You are not down, sorry to report.
Sorry if my knife is a bit sharp,
I’m just throwing out the trash.
You know you’re just being set up.
You’re making terrible choices.
Everyone thinks you’ve made an awful mistake.
It’s going to be hard to watch you take that fall.
Oh, I meant to tell you thanks.
For that letter.
It read like a bad yearbook signing.
I read it aloud to a friend. Then several more.
We laughed all afternoon.
I laughed for days.
What’s the forwarding address for that pumpkinhead planet you are now living on?
I imagine that I will see you around the holidays.
We do know so many of the same people.
I’ll try to hold back my shit-eating grin if I see you.
Can’t say the same for our friends.