Category Archives: Rant

2015 is Here. What Are YOU Going to Do About it?

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It’s here. We are back to the future. Finally.

2014 is now a wrap. It is but a memory. It is the past, and whether it treated you well or terribly, it is done and done. You can’t go there and you don’t live there anymore.

Here we are on this New Year’s Day, 2015. We live in the future – at least to Marty McFly. One quick look at my news feed makes me feel like I am living in the first 10 minutes of a post-apocalyptic movie. You know, the montage where they show you how the world ended? Yeah, that part.

I don’t know if we have turned a corner with social networking, where it’s no longer a party but instead it’s an angry mob. All year long I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that we were about to reach a critical mass, conscious or unconscious, but most of the outrage I witnessed on my computer screen was compartmentalized and appears to have had little effect outside of its immediate participants.

It’s trite, but I firmly believe in the adage, “Solution not Pollution.” To complain is only to add static to an already noisy world and although one might trigger an epiphany or two, I personally don’t feel that it will result in any positive effect or create change. And while I am being honest, all this pollution has left me exhausted.

A few years ago, as I prepared to take a permanent teaching position at another school, my assistant principal told me (the job was a temp gig and the advice was solicited) this:

“Never go into a principal’s office with a complaint. Come in with a solution and ask permission to execute the action.”

I have used this advice time and time again and as a result I have created positive change in my life and in the lives of many close to me.

This is the “solution” part. We can do this on a larger scale. It’s no longer good enough to want justice. It’s no longer good enough to want change. It’s no longer good enough to just talk about it. Do something about it. Take action. If one can’t see how to take action or is not moved to do so, then I would say that that person doesn’t really care. They are just static.

Take that anger, that passion and make it real. If one fails, at least there is the truth of action.

Or, to use another trite saying, “Keep your side of the street clean.”

Now then, 2014 was a great year for me. I experienced the greatest success I have had in the realm of creative writing to date. I have a new publisher, a new book, and 2 out of 3 submission secured for anthologies coming out in 2015. I ran two half-marathons, fostered new friendships, and many of my students saw writing success as well.

This year, I will return to writing my horror novel (it’s that Trainspotting in a Haunted House book) and find a few more pubs to submit to. I have many drafts (mostly short stories) in the hopper to play with and it’s time to find them a home.

I will also be promoting my new book quite a bit. So far people seem to love it and should the book do well, I will be in a much better position to sell future books to my current publisher. If you haven’t picked a copy up yet, I sincerely hope you do. It was a blast to write and I really want you to read it!

I’m also going to concentrate on nurturing the new relationships in my life – colleagues, friends, and fans (the fans part is a new development but it seems to actually be happening even if it feels odd to say). I will remain authentic in how I present myself, because 1) It’s much easier 2) There’s so much bullshit in the world that I refuse to add to it.

Lastly, I am running three races: two more half-marathons and then the big daddy – my first marathon. I just haven’t decided which one that will be.

These aren’t resolutions that I list here. These are plans.

Thanks for your support – it was you that helped me get to this place, this fantastic where I am now. I will never be able to express my appreciation in a manner that is fitting, but please know that I have it for you.

Ok, that’s enough for now. There’s a Twilight Zone marathon on SyFy right now, the NHL Winter Classic in a few, and some bowl games to watch.

Or, maybe I’ll just take a long nap. Haven’t decided.

May 2015 treat you very well, my friend! Many thanks!

Tom

P.S. – Live it up. According to the movies, we only have four years until LA looks like this:

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Man, I love this movie.

 

 

Why Goodreads Sucks.

Why Goodreads Sucks 3.0

Hey, good to see you.

Every day someone comes to my blog to read this post. It’s my most-read post, and had I known that when I originally composed the entry for my blog, I would have been more thoughtful.

Apparently many, many people have many, many opinions about this social networking community. Back when I composed this post, I was just coming off a frustrating round of nonsense and I was feeling frisky and rant-o-riffic.

What you are reading is the third version of the post.

It’s “Why Goodreads Sucks 3.0.”

Why have I revised it twice? Well…

The original post was a rambling, yet entertaining rant regarding my negative experiences with the site after doing a book giveaway for Leather to the Corinthians. It was fun, cathartic, and poorly organized. It didn’t get my points across in a clear manner.

Soon after posting it, I forgot all about it. But then…

I noticed that people were coming to the blog. Some nodded their heads in agreement. They had also had a bad experience. These people were readers, reviewers, and authors. Others had their fun with me. Hey, I’m good either way. I’m no shrinking violet.

But over time, as the traffic continued, I began to think (and overthink) the content of the post. I’d add to it, revise small pieces. The whole thing was a mess, all over the place. If this was the only thing of mine that someone was going to read, was it the best example of my work?

NOT BY A LONGSHOT.

So, I took it down and put up a lame poem about “Why Goodreads Sucks.” That sat for a while and the clicks kept coming.

So now we are here. Sigh. I’d love to retire this post because I am long since over it and the trolls have gone on to better targets. But, thanks to the permanence of the Internet, it’s probably always going to show up as a link, and if nothing was on the end of someone’s clicky clicky, I’d just look like a pussy for deleting the post.

I grew up in Detroit. That’s not going to happen.

OK. Still with me? Let us proceed then…

For the sake of transparency, I will break down the content of that original post and summarize the poem.

The Original Post (what I talked about):

  • I hosted a Goodreads Giveaway.
  • A cheater entered my giveaway using multiple false profiles.
  • This user rated my book a 1 and 2 star using false profiles, just to be a troll.
  • My ranting brought out a few of Goodreads meanies, who placed my book on shelves with insulting names.
  • It turns out there’s all kinds of shitty behavior going on in the Goodreads community and some people are all bunched up over it.
  • Turns out there are people that give books low ratings just to be dicks and are actually out to hurt people. These people are readers, reviewers, and writers. They are incredibly lame for doing so.
  • If you write a book – if you put your work out for the public – you must be willing to take your lumps.
  • If you rate a book, review it. Explain the high or low rating. Go on, give us a book report and tell us how you feel. It’s too easy to just click.
  • I coined the phrase, “Don’t just click and you won’t be a dick.” All the kids are saying it now.
  • I also posted a picture of a cute kitten.

That was pretty much it. Over time (it took a while) the folks running Goodreads cleaned up the nonsense that was going on. They were super cool about it. Also, a number of policy changes seemed to clean things up a bit.

My Second Post – Why Goodreads Sucks, Part II (what I waxed poetically about):

  • Sometimes people suck.
  • Sometimes I am full of shit.
  • There was no kitten picture. Instead, I posted a picture of monkeys hugging.

Now THIS.

Why Goodreads Sucks 3.0.

I’ll be honest (I try to be, that way I never have to remember what I say or write). I am not really into Goodreads any more. When I finish a book and I am compelled to write about it, I post a review there and on Amazon. Other than that, I spend as little time as possible with it. Except the Bizarro Fiction reading group. Those people rock.

I don’t find it that engaging and I prefer to spend my social networking time on FB and Twitter. So…I don’t have a strong sense of the state of things today. I had a crappy experience, used my blog to purge it from my system and moved on.

So here we are. Hopefully you stuck with me to the end of this thing. Tell me, does it still suck? Is it better? Are people cooler now? What’s going on?

Why did you Google “Goodreads Sucks” and click on the link that brought you here?

I’m curious.

P.S. – There was a Part II (mentioned above) and III (not mentioned at all) to this saga. Those posts aren’t relevant any more, so I took them down. They weren’t that great or insightful anyway. And now that you’re here, all the way to the bottom – how about checking out some of my other posts. Thanks. YOU ROCK.

P.P.S – The secret code phrase for this article is Banana Hammock. Post this phrase in the comments below and you will have good luck for 7 years. Don’t post and you will have bad luck for 13.

How to Write a Novel

…and Not Lose Your Mind in the Process.

screamIf the title of this post caught your eye, my guess is that at some point you have said:

“I’m going to write a book someday.”

Or perhaps:

“I want to write a book.”

And even better yet?

“I’m working on a book.”

As an instructor in a creative writing BFA and first-time novelist, I salute your ambition. I also offer my condolences.

You’re in for a rough ride. Writing a novel (and I’m just going to talk about novels — not non-fiction, how-to, or self-help books) is an artistic Tough Mudder – only the strong of mind, body, and spirit will survive. It requires craft, determination, and a thick skin. You will also need endless passion for your story and a reliable coffee maker.

Once you commit to writing a book, it will create a huge empty space in your soul that will exist until you type that last word. Even then, there will still be a part of you missing. It will now live in that book. It’s a proverbial pound of flesh.

A fortune cookie once told me that the gift of a painful experience is that you get to pass on your wisdom to those who may face a similar experience. I recently published my first novel, and I would like to spare you the mistakes that I made as I stumbled through the process.

Here’s some advice for your consideration.

1) KEEP IT A SECRET: Tell no one you’re working on a book. NO ONE. Otherwise you will endure constant questions that seem to be encouraging. The moment you tell people about your plans, you will be haunted by well-meaning friends who when seeing you will ask, “So, how’s the book coming?” If you haven’t been working on it, you will suddenly get the sensation that approximately 2 tons of lead weight has been placed on your shoulders. It gets old very quickly.

But…if this is not your first book, tell everybody, especially agents and publishers. Always look busy.

2) SECURE A CORNER: You’re going to need alone time. Create a quiet, isolated place to work, free of distractions.

3) SECURE THE TIME: For me, writing is work not play. I see many writers in my Facebook feed proclaim that they love writing. Personally, I like it a lot more when it’s completed. The actual process is work. When you are busy all day with a job and schoolwork, it can be hard to get motivated to sit down and work some more. Schedule time every day.

Put it on your calendar just as you would a work or school schedule. Commit to it. Time will slip through your fingers, and the world is filled with entertaining distractions such as family, friends, and gainful employment. You will have to lock the time in and defend it with all your might.

4) ORGANIZE: The romantic notion of sitting down to the blank page and showering your brilliance upon it isn’t realistic. That’s not what’s going to happen. Writer’s block is what’s going to happen. Before writing that novel, organize your thoughts. Think out the story. Make lists. Create character sketches. Get it all in a notebook, Evernote binder, or index cards. Take this step as far as you can, it will make the other steps easier, and crush writer’s block where it stands.

5) RESEARCH: Unless you are an expert on all aspects of your story, you will have questions to answer before you begin to write. Setting your story in Tokyo but you’ve never been there? Hit the books. Period piece? Hit the books? Science fiction? HIT THE BOOKS.

Armed with knowledge, you will be free to write without stopping to fact check constantly. You’ll feel confident and that will translate into productivity. You have to know your “stuff” because savvy readers will find your mistakes and you’ll end up as a subthread on Reddit.

6) OUTLINE: You’ve organized your thoughts and story. You’ve done a nice chunk of research. You should have a solid idea of the story you want to tell. Now it is time to look at its structure. Outline the story and take it from beginning to end. You don’t need to know everything, but you need a solid foundation. There will be much more that will come from the process of writing, but the more you know now, the better.

7) WRITE IT: Say bye-bye to free time. The only way your book will be written is if you get your butt in the seat and write. A typical novel has roughly 90k words. You need to know this because you are about to go on a WORD DIET. What this means is that you are going to write 500-1000 words a day (you set this goal) and do nothing else until you reach your word count for the day. If you shoot for 1000 words a day, you’ll have your first draft in three months. Not bad.

8) TAKE A BREAK: Once your manuscript is complete, take a week off. Call your mother — she missed hearing your voice. Do your laundry and get some groceries in the kitchen cabinet. All that fast food is unhealthy.

9) REVISE IT: I have some bad news: the writing was the easy part. You need to go line for line and revise. Tear it apart. Cut unnecessary words. Nothing should be so precious it can’t be deleted. Fix every mistake you find, as for each mistake you fix, there are two that you didn’t see.

10) SEEK CRITIQUE: Now it’s time to tell people you have been working on a book. Rejoice! Find a writing group. Find friends who can provide the tough love. Have them read it. Ask them for feedback. This is a miserable process. You’ll probably feel nauseous most of the time. Hang in there.

11) REVISE AGAIN: Take what you learn from the critique process and apply what is appropriate. Remember, some people don’t like pizza. Opinions are opinions, not law. Stick to your vision, but take what they have to say seriously. Rework that manuscript.

12) HIRE AN EDITOR/PROOFREADER: Seek professional intervention. Hire the best editor and proofreader you can afford. They will tear through your manuscript yet again, but this time it will be with a cold, mercenary eye. It is critical to get professionals involved at this point. You need the best product you can possibly have.

13) BETA READERS: You should have a sparkling draft as this point. Something that has become quite popular is finding beta readers to read the book. They will point out any consistencies or questions that remain. Again, you are soliciting opinion, and not all of them will be appropriate. This process is similar to the focus groups used by Hollywood for years, and they have destroyed some amazing films. Tread lightly.

14) REVISE AGAIN: Sigh, I know.

15) GET PUBLISHED: This article is about writing a novel. Getting published is a conversation for another day. Spoiler: it is just as fun as writing it.

See you on the other side.

Photo Credit: Darwin Bell via Compfight cc

A Thunderous Conclusion.

brainSo, I think I broke my brain. I am currently working to fix it.

Over the past four months since I indie-pubbed my first novel, Leather to the Corinthians, I have been spending considerable energy using social media (read: all my free time) to market and promote the book. Prior to its release, I had done a sizable amount of research and created a massive, multi-tabbed spreadsheet filled with competitions, communities, reviewers, Facebook Pages, distributors, and so on.

Prior to completing the novel (which in itself was an excruciatingly long process, some of which was documented on this blog), I spent a considerable amount of time learning how to publish the book (this was after many months of query letters and rejections), as well as hiring professionals to polish the manuscript, format the text, and illustrate the cover (money well spent). I read page after page in book, on websites, etc. I was consumed with figuring it out.

NOTE: I have an obsessive personality. I wasted two years playing World of Warcraft. Serious players spend as much time reading about the game and how to play it as they actually play it.

I had created a pressure situation. I knew I could spend years knocking on agent’s doors and submitting small pieces to lit mags. That’s one classic model of building a writing career, and it is advisable. It’s respectable. However, I’m 43 not 23 and I am feeling Father Time sitting on my chest.

Plus, I’m big on DIY and kind of Punk Rock in mindset.

I jammed my brain with information about writing and publishing. Perhaps too much. I knew I needed to get it out. It was driving me crazy. My Facebook newsfeed is filled with well-meaning indie authors squawking about their massively successful books (I am becoming more dubious as time goes on). I have made many, many trips to the post office to mail out books for review, and I sent requests to easily 10 times as many who never responded. I know it’s all a part of the process, but it’s exhausting.

It became clear to me that I had to flush my brain. Purge it of all the advice, all the thinking, the spreadsheets, the self-doubt, the endless patrol of my Amazon and Goodreads pages. (Why, that asshat gave me two stars!) Promoting the book had become more important than the writing.

NOT OK.

I realized it was time to move on and let the damn thing breathe. However I am a completist (you gamers know what I’m talking about) so I felt that I had to at least get through what was in front of me.

I had the last week off work and spent a few hours each day trying to get through what was left of the resources I had gathered. I still have a few to go, and the week has passed.

I am desperate to finish off my list, as I want to move on to my next novel. Plus, I want to drum up some freelance writing gigs (on top of my full-time job teaching) and I have been mulling another blog as well. I’m nuts.

About two weeks ago I came to the realization that I would never be able to tap into every possible writing community or resources. It’s a hydra of epic proportion. Each site leads me to another and another.

Deeper down the rabbit hole.

There are millions of words written about writing. There’s more writing about writing than actual writing. Everyone has advice to offer. Everyone has a service to sell. It is mind-numbingly endless.

I have seen total crap that is apparently very successful. Not many people post about lousy book sales or that their book sucks hairy nads. I have visited a bottomless pit of blogs containing long passages of nothingness, with a shitton of “likes” at the bottom. I have found talented people lost in the digital wilderness (hello, fellow traveler), so much more deserving of attention. I also see people that promote their book from morning to night. I am slightly envious of the time they have for such things, but it is also quite tedious.

I have witnessed much energy being expended. I wonder…

Is this just a bunch of writers trying to sell books to other writers? Is this working? Is this progressing the wondrous written word and the glory of reading? Have we entered a new age of literacy (cause that’s cool).

Or is this a bunch of monkeys humping a football? And if so, what is my monkey ranking? How are my stats? What’s my possession time?

typeI came to another conclusion. I could spend all my time promoting my single book (forever and ever) or I could do WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING – writing the next book, the next article, the next post, the next script, and the next blog. So, I am trying to wrap up this damn promotion thing.

Based on my calculations, I should be done with my list and unless something looks utterly amazing, I ain’t gonna bother. I have yet to really find a fellow writer with my sensibilities (read: weird), except for these Bizzarro writers up in Portland but I can’t figure out their scene. Maybe by making this decision I will miss the one opportunity that would change everything for me and I’ll miss it. I’m telling myself not to even consider that possibility.

I can’t. I’ll spend all my time thinking I missed something. I’m obsessive, remember?

So after much time and effort spent, I now truly understand that there is no road map to writing success.

If Leather is lighter fluid, I’m going to let it ooze through the cracks and maybe one day it will strike flame. I don’t need to be fabulously famous, I don’t need great wealth, but if my efforts lead to a day when I can spend half the day writing, and the other half connecting with people (notice that there’s no full-time job here) and still pull down a decent income, then I will feel satisfied on a daily fucking basis.

Hear me universe! I declare that this will happen!

So another week or two and then that’s it. I’ll do a free e-book day here and there and probably give away a few books on Goodreads. Otherwise, it’s back the to the best part – writing. And poetry. And blogging.

And my next book…if anyone is interested, it’s a ghost story. This time I will be concentrating more on character and story, as opposed to structure and setting. It will be much less experimental in nature.

Love it or hate it, Leather was a bitch to write. A lot of pre-writing. A ton of research. I’m not quite ready to go back. But I will soon enough.

I’m going to knock this second novel out and then return to the weird world I created in Leather. I figure I’ll follow this pattern: weird book > marketable book > weird book > marketable book. Oh, and I have to build some time to do the submitting thing to various journals and sites. I need to spread my seeds of literary corruption.

As I work on my next book, I plan on blogging through the process as well. Many of you have told me that my documentation of the Leather writing process was inspirational. Laugh all you want, that’s what they told me.

Ok, I need a couple Advil.

Lucas out.

Photo Credit: “lapolab” via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Olivander via Compfight cc

How the Hell Did This Happen?

I looked in the mirror today, and I was really quite surprised.

Turns out my head is a little pumpkin with small coils of wire protruding out, conducting purple electricity like veins pump blood.

How have I never noticed this before? How could I possibly have a small pumpkin head?

Clearly evolution will not provide any illumination in this matter. Experts might study me, but they will merely mumble and hedge about, unable to make any conclusions.

My head is simply a little pumpkin.

Debates could rage, courts could hold trials and testimony would establish nothing but the most minimal facts in this case.

Simply put, my head is a little pumpkin.
Not a squash.
Not a tuber.
Definitely not a legume.
Not like any other fruit, vegetable, or flower.

Only a pumpkin, which I think makes it a gourd. If you want to be technical about it.

That’s my head.

And all these wires sprouting out from it in a Medusa-like fashion? What the hell are they there for? This is starting to stress me out. I’ll probably get hives.

What would happen if I, or a friend, an enemy, or a curious stranger were to pluck one of these wires from my pumpkin head?

Would I die?
Would I convulse?
Would I simply smile and say, “What was that for, dear chum?”

For all this conjecture, let’s not and say we did. I’m somewhat worried about the whole situation, and I should probably calm down a bit.

I think I told you, this is a recent development. At least I think so. No one has ever told me and I honestly never thought to look. Imagine my embarrassment. Imagine the feeling that you may have been going through life with a pumpkin head and no one has ever had the courage to say anything to you.

You would think someone might crack a joke at Halloween.
But NO.

What will the guys at work say? What sort of shame will my parents feel? How could I have never noticed this before? How will I get through this? What are the five stages?

Shock, Denial, Depression, Acceptance, and Thanksgiving? Is that how it goes? It’s going to take some time. Can you feel my pain? It’s OK, I don’t need your endless sympathy. I can figure this out.

I imagine that life with a pumpkin head will really not be all that different than life with a regular head. I bet that people won’t even notice, or be too afraid to say a thing.

Maybe at parties I’ll say, “I’ll bet the last thing you expected to see at the party was a guy with a pumpkin for a head.”

Or maybe I’ll say, “Go ahead and touch it. You know you want to.”

That’ll break the ice for sure!

I just don’t want people to see me as different. Pumpkin head, regular head – it’s all just the same.

I expect that some people will probably just burn in envy silently as they admire my pumpkin head, but I don’t want that. I want them to feel good about themselves. I might be a guy with a little pumpkin head, but really, I’m no different than anyone else.

Funny, I thought I would be much more upset about this whole thing, but writing it down made me feel a lot better about it.

Thank god I have a blog.

You Seem Like a Real People Person

Been gearing up to handle the final content revision of my novel Leather to the Corinthians. This is one of my favorite rants, and I think captures the experience of the modern job hunt well.

 

Hey, I think you need to check your email. Did you get the autoresponse that I sent in regards to your application? The one that reads something like “thank you for applying, you have excellent qualifications, but unfortunately the position is filled.” If you received this email, you can disregard it.

I was very impressed by your interview. You were well spoken, and you sold your skill set with panache. You have the hunger in your eyes, you’re a straight shooter, and clearly, as you told me in the interview, you are a PEOPLE PERSON. A real TEAM PLAYER.

It’s an incredibly tough market. It’s hard to get a job, that’s evident by the gaps of experience on your resume. Nice resume by the way. Love the parchment paper, and no one ever uses quill and ink anymore. Are you one of those steampunk cosplayers? Do you own goggles? Ah, nevermind.

Your personal pysch evaluation results proved very interesting. Never have I seen anyone so pliable and willing that was convinced they were smarter than 95% of the population. I love this answer about aliens being discovered. You say you would be fine with it, but you are worried what other people will do. Funny, that’s what everyone says.

Your gratitude should really begin now.

Do you know how many people applied for this job? Yeah, I know your distant Uncle Earl has been working on the loading dock here for 20 years, but surely you must know that he has no juice here. Think about it, he’s still on the loading dock.

Your gratitude should really begin now.

All kinds of roaches came out of the woodwork on this one. There were kids fresh out of the educational mill, elderly fuckheads that would rather work than die, and then folks like you, folks taking a step back on the career ladder because the shit happened and now they can’t keep up with the black card monthly payments. You just had to have it, didn’t you? Hey, no judgment, I had to have it too. I am just doing a better job of keeping it, that’s all.

But that’s why you’re here, and that’s why you are so grateful. Remember that feeling when my subordinate called you and told you to come in and talk with me? Do you remember how the mere suggestion of opportunity caused you to squirt right in your pants? Never lose that appreciation. It will protect you.

Let’s get the general agreement right out of the way. Don’t expect me to take care of you. I will not look out for you. I will expect everything you have to offer each and every day. I will create policies for intangible reasons and demand you follow them. I will remove them just as quickly. And if it is a policy you don’t care for, give it two weeks. If it sucks, no one will be following it then.

I will constantly bury you in emails, phone calls, documents, and website logins. I will have a new important resource for you to master each day, and the next day I will think you are an idiot for using it. I will create forms and surveys, demand you take them, then do nothing with the results. I will be pure chaos. You will love me for it.

Your gratitude should begin now.

The paycheck you receive will be the exchange of your time and sanity for an unstable currency that is ultimately nothing but a number on a page. Remember, the name of the game is to get that number as high as possible. I am counting on your blind dragon chasing to complete this equation.

Now that we have all the official bullshit out of the way, let’s take a good look at you. Ah, you are perfect. A true beauty. Has anyone told you how beautiful you are today? Well, let me be the first.

You want this job, don’t you? You know that there are a lot of people out there who would love to trade places with you right now. Trade places with you in this very moment? Don’t be nervous, it’s ok to smile a little bit.

Now I can’t just give you the job, you still need to prove that my instincts are right, and you are the perfect person for the job. That should make you feel confident as we move forward with your audition. And, as I have told you before, you really need to express your gratitude.

Your gratitude should begin now.

I will extract my pound of flesh. If you want to travel this road, you will have to pay the toll. I will accept nothing less. Now, as you look about the office, you will notice a number of strange devices on my desk. These are my special testers, and they will help me determine if you are indeed the PERFECT FIT.

You had to know that I would expect a number of things today. I require a blood sample. A urine sample. A drug test. A hair follicle test. A personality inventory. A fingerprint. A retinal scan. And, I require a highly invasive process of finding the largest objects that your mouth and ass can physically handle. Before you walk out, just remember what it is like out there. Remember what the streets are like. Remember the creditor calls and the potential lawsuits. Now, tell yourself you can do this.

I believe in you. I believe you can handle all I have to offer. You will need to if you plan to survive with the company. We will not relent, and you can expect to take it in the ass on a daily basis. I will fuck you in the ass so hard that your soul will die a little more with each thrust, but it will pay the bills. So, bend over my desk, don’t pay any attention to the video recording device in the corner, and brace yourself.

Your gratitude should begin now.

Come a Little Closer: MUSIC VIDEO

Recently I posted an audio download of my spoken word piece, Come a Little Closer. Since then, I have been messing around a bit with video editing, and I have put together a “music” video version of this piece. If you liked the audio download, then I think you’ll like this. If not, see you next time. I am hoping to do more of these in the future, and if anyone out there is a true video artist and would like to collaborate, please contact me, I am sure you’ll do much better than I did.

And now, the world premiere of Come a Little Closer!

Rather just listen? Here you go: Come a Little Closer: Audio Download

Rather just read it? Hrmm. Fine, here’s Come a Little Closer

Love to know what you think of my first effort. Thanks.