Tag Archives: Arts

The Hamster Wheel of Obsession

Sometimes I think

This is as good as it will ever get
I talk too much
I don’t listen
I am not worthy
I am underappreciated
I could lose some weight
I look just fine
I am not smart enough
I am not talented enough
I am wasting everyone’s time
People secretly feel sorry for me
That I am a terrible friend
I am a lousy husband
I am lacking the tools
I am successful
I am not successful at all

Sometimes I think

I don’t get it
My genius is lost in a sea of screaming voices
I will never learn
I have made a serious of bad choices
I have painted myself into a corner
It will never get any easier
I will never fill the hole
I will always want what I can’t have
I want too much
I want too little
I don’t work hard
I’m not reaching my potential

Sometimes I think
I should have done more
I should have said more
It’s too late
I am tired
I missed the boat
Or bus or train or whatever
It could end today and that would be fine
There’s more to do than I have time for
I’m broken
I’m damaged freight
It’s time to suck it up
It’s time to grow up
Victims create their situation
It’s beyond my control
That my list of worries will only grow

Then

Sometimes I think

I think too much

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Behind the Curtains of Discontent

Yesterday I went to the mall.
It was one of those high-class megacomplexes.
Upscale, upwardly moving, a temple of commerce.
An architectural celebration of merchantry.
Built of blazing glass and tempered steel.
A wonder to behold.
Quite nice.
No riff-raff here.
No refuge for the riff-raff here.

Only room for the beauteous.
Lovely, pretty people and their pretty stores.
And there I was, strolling about.
Wanting.
Filled with desire.
A gaping hole spreading open from deep within.
Sudden, manufactured emptiness.
A swirling, plastic abyss.
An artificial void.
Then anger.
Confusion.
Hatred.
Fist smash.

I have had all I have ever needed.
There are millions who would trade for my life.
In a blink.
No hesitation.
Sign them up.
No gun to my head.
No fear of the night.
No struggle for food.
Electricity.
Running fucking water.
Clothes in the closet.
Food in the fridge.
A car that runs.
No rust either.
Damn.
Damn.
DAMN.

So in the mighty halls of supply and demand,
I am made to have demands for their supply.
For things I do not need or do not want.
These bastards have been in my head since birth.
Wiring and rewiring my mind.
Designing desire at a subconscious level.
Down to the molecules.
Rubbing together violently.
Silently.
Conspiring.
WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT
Atomically programmed.

Pull this shit out of my head.
Fuck this less-than-greater-than bullshit.
Nothing here in this Sodom on Sale will make my life better,
Or answer a single question
That I have.
I know this but yet
I still stop and look in the window.
I like what I see.
Maybe I will buy it.
But first
But first I need a Starbucks.

Americano. Venti.
I like mine black.

Photo Credit: . SantiMB . via Compfight cc

Book Signing…SUCCESS.

Last Saturday, I had a book signing event at Docking Bay 94 Comics and Games down in the Boca Raton, FL area. I spent about seven years living in the Boca Bubble and I can tell you from experience that it will warp your priorities. I felt just a slight tinge of justice served as I returned the favor.

We had a solid turnout, and I had the chance to see many old friends, co-conspirators, and excited new disciples. I have also heard a report that one person may have received a speeding ticket trying to make it before the event was over. Unfortunately, the alleged traffic violator did not make it in time…if I can confirm this, I will name a character after her in a future story. It’s the least I can do.

Even though I stand in front of a room and talk for a living, I always feel a bit strange being the center of attention — especially when I plan to be. Fortunately, everyone was so cool that I forgot about how weird I am and it’s nice to have a vacation from that.

The overall response to the book has been encouraging. I’ve heard enough positive remarks to keep moving forward. It could be that my author photo keeps a few trolls out of my life. I do look like I’ll take your lunch money. Remember: if you look dangerous, you don’t have to be dangerous.

In other news:

I have just under a week left in my Goodreads giveaway. I’m giving 10 free, signed copies of Leather to the Corinthians. If you don’t have a copy yet, or need something to prop up a wobbly table, then take a moment to click HERE.

Also, my book ended up…ah ok, I hijacked this Listopia on Goodreads…Best Social and Political Satires. Again, if you are on Goodreads, can you throw me a vote? I’m all the way up to #2. Click HERE to vote.

Lastly, Amazon has added new categories for Kindle, and Leather is currently #68 in Metaphysical and Visionary. I have no idea how this happened, but I dig the Visionary part.

Here’s some pics from the book signing. Thanks to all who came out to support me and my madness. YOU ROCK.

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Upcoming Events for June

Two exciting, upcoming events:

Book Signing:

Tomorrow, I’ll be in the Boca Raton area selling and signing books at Docking Bay 94 Comics. The event is from 3-6, but with the many old friends that I am expecting to see, I imagine I’ll be there at little longer. Hope to see you there! If you can’t make it, don’t worry — I’ll be taking lots of pictures.

Facebook event: https://www.facebook.com/events/165348286962829/

 

Goodreads Giveaway:

I’m currently giving away 10 signed copies of my novel, Leather to the Corinthians. There’s just under two weeks left! Sign up the Giveaway here, and please tell your friends, loved ones, and cherished enemies.

Flashback Fridays continue in a few weeks. I have a massive box of old writing to share, so look out.

leather_flyer_alt

 

Violet Pastures

Flashback Fridays continue with this strange item I found written on the back of a notebook. Is it worthy of life beyond the box in which it was found? Not entirely sure! There are a few things going on here that I like, and for me at least, there’s a vibe that’s interesting. Feels a bit like excerpts from different poems jammed into one. Perhaps it will lead to several more…regardless of it’s merit, I give it life today.

Purple lasting longer209662750_826d454af2_b
Than any other shade
Disciples of deceit
Carrying traumas of regular anticipation.

What could take us away
From casual frustration
And scheduled stress

Posing questions is three on a match.

Befuddled stars scratch
Their heads and shrug
Turning to the cameras.

Alien to natural design.
Obstacle to daily life.
Irrational to all biological function.
We simply think too much.

 

Photo Credit: young_einstein via Compfight cc

Teflon Girl

Flashback Fridays! I’m very much enjoying ruffling through the old crate of notebooks. These poems are better than a journal. Less minutiae, more emotional memory. This one goes back to late undergrad and speaks of a young man who is having a hard time wrangling someone he cares about. Poor guy.

Teflon Girl

 

My Teflon girl

So slick and unable to wrangle

How did you get so slippery

So slick and beyond my grip

 

Maybe I should scrub your surface down

With harsh abrasives

Pocked and scarred it would be

So easy to get into the cracks

 

I don’t want to wear you down

I adore your smooth surface

I want to preserve it

So I may enjoy it forever

 

I know how to treat you

But I cannot even get a hold

And because of your nature

You could not help if you tried

 

I hope my will is strong

And my eyes accurate

So that I can catch you at

The perfect moment

 

Or watch you slip away for good.

Hearts and Minds

Flashback Fridays!

This is a very old piece, I think I was around 18 at the time. I was making an attempt at addressing the nature of conflict. It’s interesting, but I don’t think it has much of a punch to it.

 

It’s the one thing that
Will make everything else
Fall down and beg
You can’t stop it
It’s beyond your defenses
And inside your walls

Mano a mano
Within your shadow primitive
Dark no light
Ethics no code
War no righteousness
Infinity
Why bask in nothing
When more fights remain
Mercenary might
Opportunity for lasting treaties
Broken like walls

Knowledge is unimportant
Intuition without wisdom
Fight without reason
Loyalty with no foundation

The horn cries assembly
And the fighters make formation
Obedience unquestioned
There is no time

Over the trench
Waves like the ocean
Strangely natural

No furtive glances
No moment of doubt
Eyes fixated on fate
Decided by equals
Skilled or armed by luck.

Faceless statistic
Unacknowledged
Unknown
Soldier ants
Take and lose leaves
By nature’s plan
Alone.