Tag Archives: Bizarro

Upcoming Appearances! Book Signings! Conventions!

Sept. 25 2016

I’ll be reading a selection from A Clockwork Orange for the Banned Books Read-out.

Come check it out at the Downtown Orlando Library. Many fine authors reading many controversial words. Starts at 2pm.

February 27, 11am -7pm

This event was a great success for all involved.  Check out the entire event (all the lectures and all the panels) on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLg-TKhQp7AqFbx4ykk4ZkMxdpl-EJV_un

Summer will be quiet but I have some great plans for the Fall. Stay tuned!

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Tom Lucas Returns to the Surreal Sermons Podcast

Happy Memorial Day.

Question:

Just laying low today? Relaxing? Searing the flesh of tasty dead animals?

Why not kick back and listen to the latest episode of THE bizarro fiction podcast, Surreal Sermons?

Host Jeremy Maddux​ invited me back to chat about the struggle to sell books but the conversation took a turn when I talked about almost dying and my recent experience with a rift in the time-space continuum. TRUE STORY.

http://jeremy-maddux-9.podomatic.com/entry/2015-05-24T20_56_09-07_00

Book Review: The ADHD Vampire

The ADHD Vampire by Matthew Vaughn

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From the back cover:

A cruise ship for retired sex addicts, The U.S.S. Exciter, is the site of a party a lot of people on board will never forget (but some of them will, anyway). Lurking in the cargo hold is Horace Dracul, half-brother of the legendary Dracula, and he dreams of reaching the shores of a country where the blood flows like wine, and bright, shiny lights are seemingly infinite. However, another member of the Exciter’s well-aged population has some secrets of her own: Martha—retired cyborg and ex-spy.

In the grand tradition of slasher-horror literature in which a lot of people are murdered in gruesome ways, The U.S.S. Exciter will host an orgy of violence and sex toys, and an easily-distracted vampire named Horace might have himself a bloody-good time.

Now then:

If you are a bit tired of the typical vampire fare – sexy vamps, teenage angst vamps, zombie vamps, Will Smith, etc. – but love the genre, I humbly present this quick and funny read from Matthew Vaughn.

Although filled with the ludicrous story elements that make a bizarro book great: things like geriatric swingers, cyborg grannies, and the books’ titular monster (a vampire with honest-to-goodness ADHD), what impressed me the most about the book was that it was clear that the author had done his research.

If you know your Dracula, if you have read the source material that is so often ignored by those who pen blood-sucker stories, you will be most pleased by the fact that although the book is a lightning fast kill-fest where you meet a character just in time to watch them become lunch, it honors the core material and mythology. I found this to be a pleasant surprise. I wish more authors would take the time to go to the origins of a genre before spitting out some inbred trope nightmare.

As mentioned above, it’s a fast read. Vaughn doesn’t dwell in any scene for long, but for a story such as this, it’s obviously appropriate (yes, that’s an ADHD joke). The narrative moves and never takes a breath. Jokes come in and you’re barely done laughing until the next one hits you. There’s plenty of blood and gore and sexy as you buzzsaw through the story.

I had a great time with this book and I look forward to seeing what Mr. Vaughn does next.

Mid-March Madness: Interviews with Yours Truly

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For those of you who stop by my blog because you support my writing, books, and other writerly enterprises…today’s post should be a double-down of tastiness.

I recently had the chance to be the subject of two in-depth interviews and they both published within 24 hours of each other. Sweet serendipity, that’s a lot of me.

Stop by the Surreal Sermons podcast for roughly an hour of me babbling away as noteworthy podcaster Jeremy Maddux hits me with some tough questions. Click Here for Awesome.

If you are more in the mood to read instead of listen, check out this long-ish interview with me over at Paper Tape Magazine. I was asked some incredibly thoughtful questions. Click Here for Some Fun.

So yeah…I have been doing my fair share of lip-flapping. You gotta when you have books to sell. Check out these interviews and let me know how I did in the comments below.

Rock and Roll.

Lucas out.

Book Review: Space Walrus

Space Walrus by Kevin L. Donihe

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From the back cover:

Space: the final frontier… these are the voyages of… a walrus?

Meet Walter. He is the first walrus in a revolutionary space program. Someday, his blubbery form will float past asteroids, stars, and planets as he journeys through the dark beyond to become a Master of Space. But for now, Walter’s dream is to win the heart of his lifelong love, Dr. Stephanie, who happens to be the scientist assigned to conduct experiments on him. The problem is Dr. Stephanie does not love Walter. She views him as a test subject and nothing more. To make matters worse, Dr. Stephanie appears to be in love with the abusive head scientist, Dr. Ron.

From Wonderland Book Award winner Kevin L. Donihe comes a tragic comedy of unrequited love and inspired determination.

Now then…

Walter is a TALKING WALRUS and he’s going to make you cry.

You say, “No way dude, last time I cried was when MY FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM/CELEBRITY/FAMILY MEMBER did something remarkable. I don’t cry, man.”

I hand you Space Walrus and you go off and read it. You come back weeping.

“GODDAMN that Kevin L. Donihe. He tore my heart out and threw it into the middle of the street,” you pine.

I nod and offer a platonic, non-threatening half-hug that shows you that I care but that I am not some kind of sleazebag looking for a quick grope.

You ask, “Does he really make everyone call him by his full name? The ‘L’ and all that? Seems awfully pretentious for a guy who wrote a book about a walrus on a space station who suffers from unrequited love and daydreams about flying through the universe.”

I nod again and reassure you that he doesn’t make anyone use his middle initial, but if he did, I’m sure it’s only because it’s L for LOVE.

After some sniffles, you start thinking of all the people you could recommend this book to…because it is that good.

Kevin L. Donihe’s Space Walrus is a book that zigs when you expect it to zag; it’s got more heart on every page that some books have between covers.

Highly recommended.

Book Review: Deep Blue

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From the Back Cover:

The destruction of the old city must be prevented. John feeds the machine nightly. The devil in the fridge watches. Nobody wants to be a man-in-a-can anymore. Take in a show at Jeremy’s. Get your head checked at Fred’s. Ride the rails until the tracks are set ablaze by firefighters who fight fires with fire. Tuesday’s coming. Did you remember to bring your coat?

From Brian Auspice comes a down-the-rabbit-hole adventure into the depths of the human condition.

Now then…

You are walking down an unfamiliar street. People push past you, a dense mob of angry faces, stiff arms, and muttering voices. It feels dangerous but it offers no thrill. Every ounce of you wants to just run back home. Run back to what you know. To where it is safe.

But you can’t.

Because of that picture.

You happened upon it one day. A peculiar painting. It intrigued you. Then you read the words, just a few simple sentences, but their meaning eluded you.

It was a definitely coded message. This much you were certain. You knew that until you could decipher it, there would be no rest.

That picture and those cryptic words led you here. You stand at the end of an alley, a narrow mildew-coated murder channel. Your gut twists. Hope dies in halls such as these. Amongst the debris and detritus, you spot a faceless man, his back pressed the back wall. He beckons. Bravely, perhaps stupidly, you ignore the scent of wither and woe and push forward. For you must know the answer.

You must!

Curiously, he pulls a chair out from the shadows and gestures for you to sit. You obey. He hands you a straw and a mirror. A line of fine powder sits upon it, expectant and eager.

You wave your hand. Not for you. Emphatically, he points back down to it and your eyes follow. You watch the granules. They begin a dance, pushing to and fro, zigzagging across the length of the mirror. They take a shape – is it a caterpillar? A slug? A simple worm? Whatever it is, it is looking at you.

Then the scream. A most terrible scream!

TOO LATE!

The scream is yours for you have chosen suck in this devil dune of exotic dust.

Your head snaps back. Your chest tightens. A terrible ringing fills your ears. Sweat explodes from every pore. You feel as if you are going to die.

You are most definitely going to die.

Your hands clench your thighs. Your nails dig deep, their purchase met with a slow, warm trickle of blood. Your stomach cramps and you curl forward, as a maddening parade of tiny men sealed in cans sing to you. Mono-color flashes blind you, viciously betraying you with every hue of color. Faces fold and slide through newly formed fissures in the brick.

You can hear your bones crack. A symphony of fractures. Glorious! Then, a choir of laughter. The rise and fall of a cackle. The huff of a guffaw. And lastly, a snicker.

Are you laughing? Are these voices your own?

The abyss calls and you answer. A change of scene occurs…

You wake in your bed.
In your room.
In the house that you know.
All is well.
You cracked the code.
You solved the riddle.
You smile.
You now know a secret.

You have just read Deep Blue.

I give this book a rating of: Five Twisted Little People in Funny Hats.

 

Tom Lucas Interviewed on Strange the World

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Hello, my pretties!

Last night I had the chance to stop by the STRANGE THE WORLD show. Hosted by Author/Filmmaker Kevin Strange, this comprehensive interview lasted just over TWO HOURS.

I know, two hours. But it’s two hours of ME!

We talked about Pax Titanus, the New Bizarro Author Series, self-publishing, BizarroCon, facing rejection, and the dangers of having an online presence.

If you have the time, please check it out. And please — share with your friends!

Click HERE to watch me in all of my YouTube glory.