Happy [INSERT HOLIDAY NAME HERE]!
Looking for new ways to blow that hard-earned cheddar on loved one that may or may not actually love you back?
Fight that holiday dread by getting lost in commerce. And boy oh boy, do I have some ideas for you – there is something for everyone on your list here.
Processed foods – In today’s food-shaming environment, it’s hard for most people to indulge in the foods they truly desire. Instead, to avoid social exile they gobble down gluten-free this-es and organically grown thats. But, if you give them a box of Twinkies, Little Debbies, or a block of Velveeta – well then, they have to eat it! No guilt or shame in that, right?
Learn more about Processed Food gifts here.
Bladed and Blunt Weapons – I know many of my readers are afraid of what is to come. All bets are certainly off, and thanks to all of the science-fiction I’ve read over the years, I know to start looking for the exit. Don’t eat with your back to the room either.
The great thing about swords, maces, and hammers is that you never have to reload them. If you get a sword, name it “Tiffany.” Just trust me.
Learn more about Bladed and Blunt Weapons here.
Cute Dolls – There is nothing like cuddling up with your favorite little pal. In time, you might develop a true friendship and have long conversations about topics that interest you.
Learn more about Cute Dolls here.
Puppets – Like dolls, but so much more interactive! You’ll swear they have a personality all their own. If you hear them breathing, it might be time to move. Leave them in the attic for the suckers who show up next.
Learn more about Puppets here.
Cozy Bathrobes and Onesies: Who doesn’t like wrapping up in a cozy bathrobe, sip spiked coffee, and exchange gifts? Imagine the look in their eyes when they get to throw out their thread-bare, stanky old bathrobe for something like this?
Learn more about Cozy Bathrobes and Onesies here.
Video Games – They can transport us to another reality, providing a well-deserved break from the daily grind. And hey, they might just learn a thing or two. What a great gift!
Learn more about Video Games here.
Well, that’s that. I know that I have to keep things brief, what with you all being so busy all the damn time.
However, feel free to add your suggestions below.