Tag Archives: Facebook

My Story Can Finally Be Told

One of my favorite things about writing, blogging, and putting it out there is what comes back to you. Sometimes you have to wait for a while, but it can be pure amazeballs when it arrives.

Case in point: The passage you will find below. In the week of my new book’s launch, I put out some all-calls to Facebook land — the usually shameless self-promotion that the indie author/artist/musician must do to survive in a world drowning in content and voices.

A former military badass friend of mine (and former student as well) took the time to reveal what he had learned about me from his time as an agent of a shadow organization. I am convinced he knows real-life ninjas and a few mind-blowing secrets that will most certainly die with him. So yeah, he’s kinda scary. Don’t mess with him.

I present his full post, which for the first time anywhere, tells the true story of how I entered the world and I how I will conquer it. Also, it shows me that this kid has some writing chops. I fully plan to drag him into the Bizarro world. I hope he’s ready.

From the mobile phone of Nick E. —

Tom Lucas is more than just a man. He is a demi-god. There are tales about Tom Lucas… Legends. Myths. Wikipedia pages. Here is just some of what I’ve gathered:

In December, many years ago, Tom Lucas shot right out of the womb with the furious speed of a 12-gauge shotgun, blasting into the chest of the doctor, who died on impact. Breast milk was unable to nourish this monster of a baby, who had the body of a midget on horse steroids, with enormous muscles covering his entire physique, including a twelve pack for an abdomen, and bowling balls for biceps. No, instead of milk, this hell spawn of a child required bottles of scotch, cartons of Marlboro Reds, and pounds of bacon to remain well nourished. He would only breastfeed for fun, on other children’s mothers. Tom Lucas lost his virginity before his father. To this day, scientists are still trying to understand this phenomenon. Currently, the most widely accepted theory within the scientific community involves time travel, however the mystery remains unsolved.

In 2001, Tom Lucas, or Disco-TomFoolery, as his techno-biker gang knew him as, pulled off the largest heist in United States history when he stole the entire Detroit Lions football stadium, the Silverdome, and hid it in his garage for a year, forcing the Lions to move to Ford Field to play their games. After a year of partying and cocaine-fueled orgies, Disco-Tom grew tired of the Silverdome, and returned it to its original location. While returning it though, the Detroit Police Department busted him, and he was thrown in jail for 5 years.

During his five-year sentence in the Detroit maximum-security prison known as “Oprah’s Wormhole”, Disco-Tom taught himself how to read and write, with his eyes closed. Using his minds eye, he began to master the art of the written word, and begun crafting novels by using telekinesis to move the pen across the paper. His penmanship was flawless, like a teenage girl on Adderall, and his words and the stories he told were so epic that Shakespeare farted in his grave. Witnesses claim that the fart smelled of roses and romance.

In 2005, Tom was released from “Oprah’s Wormhole” due to good behavior, although historians argue that Lucas perhaps used a Jedi Mind trick to bend the will of the Parole Board.

Tom Lucas became a teacher, and then began publishing novels, the very same novels that he came up with in prison. Leather to the Corinthians was so critically acclaimed that it won an Oscar award, Grammy award, Emmy award, Golden Globe award, Tony award, Academy award, MTV Music award, Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award, The Medal Of Honor, and the Nobel Peace Price, and Pulitzer Prize for the category of “Best Fucking Thing Ever, Holy Shit, Buy This Now” category.

So there you have it folks. Tom Lucas. The man, the myth, the legend, the cliché, the overused phrase. Many deny these legends and myths as lies, fabrications, or something I just came up with right now out of boredom. But others know the truth. Do you believe?

Like = You Believe!
Share = You KNOW!
Comment = You commented!

My dad says if we get enough likes, he’ll buy me Jupiter for my birthday, so please share and like, and Bill Gates will give you $1000, and I just won the lottery so If I reach 50 comments, then all 50 commenters will get $10,000!!! Guys, you can’t make this sort of stuff up, this is the truth. Read the Facebook terms of use. The third Facebook Commandment states “thou shalt not troll.”

Wow, I can’t believe I wrote all this crap. I can’t believe YOU read all this crap. uhm yeah, so that’s the end of my post. Special thanks to Morgan Freeman for narrating everything, and Depeche Mode for the original soundtrack.

That’s it folks. I’m done. Can you believe I did this all on my phone? I am NOT going back to proofread, so sorry for errors.

GO BUY HIS BOOK!

Damn. This was just too good not to share. Right?

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WHY U NO?

crybaby

I’ve been trying to contact you
Although I have never said a word
I’ve been typing my thoughts to you
And sending them like prayers out
Into the ether. Never seen, but merely whispers

You have not responded
I must assume you are getting my messages
What do you think when you look down to read them?
Do you think me a fool, an asshole, or misguided?

Your apathy angers me
Your unwillingness to let me in frustrates me
Your disregard for my feelings disturbs me
Why are you so willing to ignore me?

Ignore my thoughts, my feelings, my plans, my needs, my love?
How can you go about your day without a concern.
Without a glance, without a nod, or a we’ll talk soon.
Your lack of response has driven me mad.
I have diminished myself by lurking, stalking.

I see you on your Facebook
Liking a person’s status
Making cute little comments
Posting, posting, posting.

What have you been doing the last two days?
The days that you have been ignoring me?
Let’s look at that timeline and see.
Oh.

You lost your phone in the toilet.

My bad.

Photo Credit: ★ spunkinator via Compfight cc

Why Goodreads Sucks.

Why Goodreads Sucks 3.0

Hey, good to see you.

Every day someone comes to my blog to read this post. It’s my most-read post, and had I known that when I originally composed the entry for my blog, I would have been more thoughtful.

Apparently many, many people have many, many opinions about this social networking community. Back when I composed this post, I was just coming off a frustrating round of nonsense and I was feeling frisky and rant-o-riffic.

What you are reading is the third version of the post.

It’s “Why Goodreads Sucks 3.0.”

Why have I revised it twice? Well…

The original post was a rambling, yet entertaining rant regarding my negative experiences with the site after doing a book giveaway for Leather to the Corinthians. It was fun, cathartic, and poorly organized. It didn’t get my points across in a clear manner.

Soon after posting it, I forgot all about it. But then…

I noticed that people were coming to the blog. Some nodded their heads in agreement. They had also had a bad experience. These people were readers, reviewers, and authors. Others had their fun with me. Hey, I’m good either way. I’m no shrinking violet.

But over time, as the traffic continued, I began to think (and overthink) the content of the post. I’d add to it, revise small pieces. The whole thing was a mess, all over the place. If this was the only thing of mine that someone was going to read, was it the best example of my work?

NOT BY A LONGSHOT.

So, I took it down and put up a lame poem about “Why Goodreads Sucks.” That sat for a while and the clicks kept coming.

So now we are here. Sigh. I’d love to retire this post because I am long since over it and the trolls have gone on to better targets. But, thanks to the permanence of the Internet, it’s probably always going to show up as a link, and if nothing was on the end of someone’s clicky clicky, I’d just look like a pussy for deleting the post.

I grew up in Detroit. That’s not going to happen.

OK. Still with me? Let us proceed then…

For the sake of transparency, I will break down the content of that original post and summarize the poem.

The Original Post (what I talked about):

  • I hosted a Goodreads Giveaway.
  • A cheater entered my giveaway using multiple false profiles.
  • This user rated my book a 1 and 2 star using false profiles, just to be a troll.
  • My ranting brought out a few of Goodreads meanies, who placed my book on shelves with insulting names.
  • It turns out there’s all kinds of shitty behavior going on in the Goodreads community and some people are all bunched up over it.
  • Turns out there are people that give books low ratings just to be dicks and are actually out to hurt people. These people are readers, reviewers, and writers. They are incredibly lame for doing so.
  • If you write a book – if you put your work out for the public – you must be willing to take your lumps.
  • If you rate a book, review it. Explain the high or low rating. Go on, give us a book report and tell us how you feel. It’s too easy to just click.
  • I coined the phrase, “Don’t just click and you won’t be a dick.” All the kids are saying it now.
  • I also posted a picture of a cute kitten.

That was pretty much it. Over time (it took a while) the folks running Goodreads cleaned up the nonsense that was going on. They were super cool about it. Also, a number of policy changes seemed to clean things up a bit.

My Second Post – Why Goodreads Sucks, Part II (what I waxed poetically about):

  • Sometimes people suck.
  • Sometimes I am full of shit.
  • There was no kitten picture. Instead, I posted a picture of monkeys hugging.

Now THIS.

Why Goodreads Sucks 3.0.

I’ll be honest (I try to be, that way I never have to remember what I say or write). I am not really into Goodreads any more. When I finish a book and I am compelled to write about it, I post a review there and on Amazon. Other than that, I spend as little time as possible with it. Except the Bizarro Fiction reading group. Those people rock.

I don’t find it that engaging and I prefer to spend my social networking time on FB and Twitter. So…I don’t have a strong sense of the state of things today. I had a crappy experience, used my blog to purge it from my system and moved on.

So here we are. Hopefully you stuck with me to the end of this thing. Tell me, does it still suck? Is it better? Are people cooler now? What’s going on?

Why did you Google “Goodreads Sucks” and click on the link that brought you here?

I’m curious.

P.S. – There was a Part II (mentioned above) and III (not mentioned at all) to this saga. Those posts aren’t relevant any more, so I took them down. They weren’t that great or insightful anyway. And now that you’re here, all the way to the bottom – how about checking out some of my other posts. Thanks. YOU ROCK.

P.P.S – The secret code phrase for this article is Banana Hammock. Post this phrase in the comments below and you will have good luck for 7 years. Don’t post and you will have bad luck for 13.

A Thunderous Conclusion.

brainSo, I think I broke my brain. I am currently working to fix it.

Over the past four months since I indie-pubbed my first novel, Leather to the Corinthians, I have been spending considerable energy using social media (read: all my free time) to market and promote the book. Prior to its release, I had done a sizable amount of research and created a massive, multi-tabbed spreadsheet filled with competitions, communities, reviewers, Facebook Pages, distributors, and so on.

Prior to completing the novel (which in itself was an excruciatingly long process, some of which was documented on this blog), I spent a considerable amount of time learning how to publish the book (this was after many months of query letters and rejections), as well as hiring professionals to polish the manuscript, format the text, and illustrate the cover (money well spent). I read page after page in book, on websites, etc. I was consumed with figuring it out.

NOTE: I have an obsessive personality. I wasted two years playing World of Warcraft. Serious players spend as much time reading about the game and how to play it as they actually play it.

I had created a pressure situation. I knew I could spend years knocking on agent’s doors and submitting small pieces to lit mags. That’s one classic model of building a writing career, and it is advisable. It’s respectable. However, I’m 43 not 23 and I am feeling Father Time sitting on my chest.

Plus, I’m big on DIY and kind of Punk Rock in mindset.

I jammed my brain with information about writing and publishing. Perhaps too much. I knew I needed to get it out. It was driving me crazy. My Facebook newsfeed is filled with well-meaning indie authors squawking about their massively successful books (I am becoming more dubious as time goes on). I have made many, many trips to the post office to mail out books for review, and I sent requests to easily 10 times as many who never responded. I know it’s all a part of the process, but it’s exhausting.

It became clear to me that I had to flush my brain. Purge it of all the advice, all the thinking, the spreadsheets, the self-doubt, the endless patrol of my Amazon and Goodreads pages. (Why, that asshat gave me two stars!) Promoting the book had become more important than the writing.

NOT OK.

I realized it was time to move on and let the damn thing breathe. However I am a completist (you gamers know what I’m talking about) so I felt that I had to at least get through what was in front of me.

I had the last week off work and spent a few hours each day trying to get through what was left of the resources I had gathered. I still have a few to go, and the week has passed.

I am desperate to finish off my list, as I want to move on to my next novel. Plus, I want to drum up some freelance writing gigs (on top of my full-time job teaching) and I have been mulling another blog as well. I’m nuts.

About two weeks ago I came to the realization that I would never be able to tap into every possible writing community or resources. It’s a hydra of epic proportion. Each site leads me to another and another.

Deeper down the rabbit hole.

There are millions of words written about writing. There’s more writing about writing than actual writing. Everyone has advice to offer. Everyone has a service to sell. It is mind-numbingly endless.

I have seen total crap that is apparently very successful. Not many people post about lousy book sales or that their book sucks hairy nads. I have visited a bottomless pit of blogs containing long passages of nothingness, with a shitton of “likes” at the bottom. I have found talented people lost in the digital wilderness (hello, fellow traveler), so much more deserving of attention. I also see people that promote their book from morning to night. I am slightly envious of the time they have for such things, but it is also quite tedious.

I have witnessed much energy being expended. I wonder…

Is this just a bunch of writers trying to sell books to other writers? Is this working? Is this progressing the wondrous written word and the glory of reading? Have we entered a new age of literacy (cause that’s cool).

Or is this a bunch of monkeys humping a football? And if so, what is my monkey ranking? How are my stats? What’s my possession time?

typeI came to another conclusion. I could spend all my time promoting my single book (forever and ever) or I could do WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING – writing the next book, the next article, the next post, the next script, and the next blog. So, I am trying to wrap up this damn promotion thing.

Based on my calculations, I should be done with my list and unless something looks utterly amazing, I ain’t gonna bother. I have yet to really find a fellow writer with my sensibilities (read: weird), except for these Bizzarro writers up in Portland but I can’t figure out their scene. Maybe by making this decision I will miss the one opportunity that would change everything for me and I’ll miss it. I’m telling myself not to even consider that possibility.

I can’t. I’ll spend all my time thinking I missed something. I’m obsessive, remember?

So after much time and effort spent, I now truly understand that there is no road map to writing success.

If Leather is lighter fluid, I’m going to let it ooze through the cracks and maybe one day it will strike flame. I don’t need to be fabulously famous, I don’t need great wealth, but if my efforts lead to a day when I can spend half the day writing, and the other half connecting with people (notice that there’s no full-time job here) and still pull down a decent income, then I will feel satisfied on a daily fucking basis.

Hear me universe! I declare that this will happen!

So another week or two and then that’s it. I’ll do a free e-book day here and there and probably give away a few books on Goodreads. Otherwise, it’s back the to the best part – writing. And poetry. And blogging.

And my next book…if anyone is interested, it’s a ghost story. This time I will be concentrating more on character and story, as opposed to structure and setting. It will be much less experimental in nature.

Love it or hate it, Leather was a bitch to write. A lot of pre-writing. A ton of research. I’m not quite ready to go back. But I will soon enough.

I’m going to knock this second novel out and then return to the weird world I created in Leather. I figure I’ll follow this pattern: weird book > marketable book > weird book > marketable book. Oh, and I have to build some time to do the submitting thing to various journals and sites. I need to spread my seeds of literary corruption.

As I work on my next book, I plan on blogging through the process as well. Many of you have told me that my documentation of the Leather writing process was inspirational. Laugh all you want, that’s what they told me.

Ok, I need a couple Advil.

Lucas out.

Photo Credit: “lapolab” via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Olivander via Compfight cc

THE NEXT BIG THING Blog Hop!

jumpWelcome to the blog hop!

What is a blog hop? Basically, it’s a way that readers can discover new authors, because with bookstores closing and publishers not promoting new authors as much, we need to find a way to introduce readers to authors they may not see in their local bookstore.

Here you have the chance to find many new authors. You’ll find information about me, my blog, and my book – Leather to the Corinthians. But that’s not all! Also see links below to other authors you might like to check out.

I’d like to thank fellow author SUZY DUFFY for tagging me to participate. Click the link below to find out about her latest Bestseller, WELLESLEY WIVES.

https://www.facebook.com/SuzyDuffyBooks?ref=hl

In this particular hop, I and my fellow authors, in their respective blogs, have answered 10 questions where you get to learn about our current work in progress as well as some insights into our process, from characters and inspirations to plotting and cover decisions. I hope you enjoy it!

Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts and questions. Here is my Next Big Thing!

1: What is the title of your book?
Well…my blog is just stinking with it. Leather to the Corinthians. I am currently outlining Book 2 of the series (yep, it will be a series but I have yet to name it). The working title for the second installment is…The Scarlet Leather.

2: Where did the idea come from for the book?
Years ago, I wrote a short story. I liked it. What I liked most about it was the fact that it had a strange voice. I didn’t recognize it, but it was (in my mind) something special. I had been writing for several years, in many styles and genres. This was the first time that I felt like I had found MY VOICE. Geez, pretentious much?

3: What genre does your book come under?
Science Fiction/Fantasy. That’s the most recognizable. However, it’s a strange book – on purpose. It’s a bit of Naked Lunch as written by Douglas Adams. It’s surreal, high-concept satire. It’s a genre mosh pit.

4: Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
The Soldier: Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Scratch Microphone: Matthew McConaughey
The General: John Noble
The King: Richard Branson

5: What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
A young freedom fighter struggles with his humanity in this dystopian sci-fi satire.

6: Is your book self-published, published by an independent publisher, or represented by an agency?
Technically, it’s self-published. I am now the proud owner of a Small Press: Room 1331 Publishing and Media. My book will be only one in a growing catalog. There’s many great writers that I am looking at right now.

7: How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
I wrote Leather while I was a high school teacher, and I only worked on it during the summers. Took me five years, but if you boil that down, probably about a year.

8: What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
My book has been favorable compared to Ready Player One, John Dies at the End, Trasmetropolitan, and Snow Crash.

9: Who or what inspired you to write this book?
Leather is social commentary at its core. There’s so much that frustrates me at a societal level. I don’t have much political power, but I have a voice.

10: What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
This is taken directly from my Amazon page: “If you are fed up with the ridiculousness of big business, politics, mass media, fast food, organized religion, et al…if you enjoy underhanded satire, science fiction, fantasy, the surreal, comic books, video games, and a good laugh — you’ll dig my book. Join me in my quest to expose the truth and fools behind it.”

Below you will find authors who will be joining me by blog, next Wednesday. Do be sure to bookmark and add them to your calendars for updates on WIPs and New Releases!

Happy Writing and Reading!

The INTRIGUING Tof Eklund: http://www.tofeklund.net/
The POWERFUL Robyn J. Williams: http://www.robynjwilliams.com/meta.html
The THOUGHTFUL Allison Bruning: http://allisonbruning.blogspot.com/
The THRILLING Michelle Muckley: http://www.michellemuckley.com/
The ROCKING Robert Raymond: http://www.robertraymond.com/
The ESTEEMED Roland Mann: http://rolandmann.wordpress.com/

Photo Credit: R’eyes via Compfight cc

Hey Buddy, Can You Spare a “Like”?

In anticipation of my novel launch, I have taken the path of least resistance and set up an Author Facebook Page.

I would certainly make me feel all special if you would take the time to click “Like” on it. Besides trying to get the number up as high as possible, it does give me the opportunity to share with you more of the fun stuff that gets me through the day that just doesn’t have a place on the blog.

Follow the link or just use the widget on the side of the page. Cheers!

http://www.facebook.com/TomLucasAuthor

 

Goodreads Review: The Repossession Mambo by Eric Garcia

The Repossession MamboThe Repossession Mambo by Eric Garcia

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I was an angst-filled teenager who felt completely different from the world, self-absorbed with my emotions, unable to understand my place in the world, and a boatload of esteem issues.

You know, I was completely normal.

One thing I was obsessed with was my looks. I hated them. I wanted to look like just about anyone else, except for the really ugly kid in my class. Not him. If there was one thing I could use to comfort myself through those awkward years, was that I wasn’t nearly as ugly as that kid. His nickname was “Ugly,” for crying out loud. I hope he found a great therapist. I still can’t find him on Facebook; he’s probably gorgeous now. Or dead.

I suppose if Jude Law had been doing movies during my formative years, I probably would have wished I looked like him every night as I cried into my pillow. He’s pretty dreamy. Lean body, sexy accent…the guy has it going on. No wonder he’s a successful movie star.

Jude Law did a fun little sci-fi move a couple years ago, Repo Men, with Forest Whitaker. The basic concept is that in the future, artificial organs of all varieties are readily available, and grotesquely expensive. It’s easy to get one, and soon afterwards you are buried in payments you can’t afford. When you fall behind, a few company toughs come and rip it out of your body and leave you for dead.

If you bought a house in 2005, you probably know how this feels.

In the film, Jude is one of those toughs, has the tables turned on him, goes on the run, and fights the system. All the while, he is writing a book about his experiences. Everyone wants to write a frakking memoir! Even fictional people…how tiresome.

The title of his tell-all book is The Repossession Mambo. This is a nice Meta touch. I always loves me the Meta.

The Repossession Mambo, the book you can actually buy, which you might think is a narrative version of the film, or perhaps the inspiration, is actually neither. What’s fairly interesting is that the book and the film were developed at the same time, and although most of the story is the same, the final act is different. In this case, if you have seen the movie, you don’t know the book.

That’s kind of refreshing and fun because if you liked the movie, you’ll actually like the book for other reasons. Works in reverse too.

The book itself is a fine little read. It’s dark and satirical, and also as grisly as you would expect considering the story. It’s a future that is plausible, and almost somewhat likely.
View all my reviews