Tag Archives: Vampires

Book Review: The ADHD Vampire

The ADHD Vampire by Matthew Vaughn


From the back cover:

A cruise ship for retired sex addicts, The U.S.S. Exciter, is the site of a party a lot of people on board will never forget (but some of them will, anyway). Lurking in the cargo hold is Horace Dracul, half-brother of the legendary Dracula, and he dreams of reaching the shores of a country where the blood flows like wine, and bright, shiny lights are seemingly infinite. However, another member of the Exciter’s well-aged population has some secrets of her own: Martha—retired cyborg and ex-spy.

In the grand tradition of slasher-horror literature in which a lot of people are murdered in gruesome ways, The U.S.S. Exciter will host an orgy of violence and sex toys, and an easily-distracted vampire named Horace might have himself a bloody-good time.

Now then:

If you are a bit tired of the typical vampire fare – sexy vamps, teenage angst vamps, zombie vamps, Will Smith, etc. – but love the genre, I humbly present this quick and funny read from Matthew Vaughn.

Although filled with the ludicrous story elements that make a bizarro book great: things like geriatric swingers, cyborg grannies, and the books’ titular monster (a vampire with honest-to-goodness ADHD), what impressed me the most about the book was that it was clear that the author had done his research.

If you know your Dracula, if you have read the source material that is so often ignored by those who pen blood-sucker stories, you will be most pleased by the fact that although the book is a lightning fast kill-fest where you meet a character just in time to watch them become lunch, it honors the core material and mythology. I found this to be a pleasant surprise. I wish more authors would take the time to go to the origins of a genre before spitting out some inbred trope nightmare.

As mentioned above, it’s a fast read. Vaughn doesn’t dwell in any scene for long, but for a story such as this, it’s obviously appropriate (yes, that’s an ADHD joke). The narrative moves and never takes a breath. Jokes come in and you’re barely done laughing until the next one hits you. There’s plenty of blood and gore and sexy as you buzzsaw through the story.

I had a great time with this book and I look forward to seeing what Mr. Vaughn does next.


Goodreads Review: Let the Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist

Let the Right One InLet the Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Last night a friend of mine lamented that children don’t seem as motivated to get out and play as they once did. He provided the usual examples to illustrate his concerns – the Internet, social media, World of Warcraft. Are the children of today simply glued to their screens, texting in broken English, clicking “like” on anything that remotely fires a thought across their brain? Are they becoming fat blobs of stupidity as they cram value menu crap food down their gullets while they download music off of offshore pirate websites?

I don’t know if it’s quite that bad, but I really hate the whole sagging pants thing. I am more than happy to turn into a cranky old man whenever I see some teenage boy’s underwear a full 5 inches over their waistline. Makes me wish I had a pet Tiger I could send after them, just to watch them attempt to run and trip over their stupid Ed Hardy jeans. How many views would a video of that get on YouTube?

Growing up in the 70s, my friends and I liked to make Super 8 monster movies with makeup kits we bought from the back page ads found in comic books. Frankenstein, Dracula, and the Wolfman – the classic Universal monsters, fascinated us. Meanwhile, in the movie world, a different kind of monster was becoming popular – the human monster – thanks to movies like Halloween, The Last House on the Left, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and so on. The 80s would bring Freddy, Jason would be fully entrenched, and the psycho slasher would be the foundation of popular horror.

Everything cycles, and we are all now firmly back into a vampire/werewolf culture (zombies too). I blame Twilight mostly, but there are many other guilty parties. Vampires have certain qualities that will always find an audience, there’s no doubt about it.

Personally, I am a bit tired of vampires, although I must admit that True Blood is a guilty pleasure. That aside, unless something is truly unique – possessing some kind of original twist – I will give it a pass.

That’s what makes Let the Right One In so refreshing. It’s not a typical vampire tale. Without spoiling much, it’s about an emotionally damaged boy who befriends a vampire (stuck in a child’s body) who eventually learns there is much to learn about his new friend.

I found the book to have much more in common with classic vampire tales than any of the paranormal romance material that’s out there. No dig on those that like these books, or the authors who write them. I just prefer my vampires without sprinkles. If you feel the same way, you’ll dig it.
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